It 's February

Well it was an interesting week. We did not have school on Monday and Tuesday. We went back to school on Wednesday to a new month…its February. While we were out of school, I got to sleep in a little bit and I tried to get my house clean but it got messy every time I picked up. I will talk more about it down below but I tweaked my back and had a hard time Saturday getting it cleaned for Sunday; it was extra messy because of some friends that had come by and the girls played some games. Sam told the kids a few weeks ago that he wanted them to clean up with their friends before they leave but I didn’t know of the mess until after the friend left yesterday. So when I got up this morning it was so bad. We got home from Church and I had to lie down. Sam told the kids that they were going to get it cleaned for me. It was a nice gesture, but it escalated fast. He helped some but really had the kids do most of it, which is fine; but he kept getting angry with them and also kept complaining that we have to much stuff. I agree with him but I have a hard time knowing what to keep and what to get rid of. Which is normally why I try and get the cleaning done so he doesn’t get upset; I need to do better and I need to get ride of some things. Its hard for me to not compare myself to others. If we had another bedroom and some more storage, it would be so nice; but this is what we have been blessed with. There are plenty of people who would love to have what I have and so for that, I am grateful. 

Friday, I was able to play pickleball but I felt my back starting to hurt; I played through but Saturday I woke up to some pain. By the end of the day I was in serious trouble; I took a warm bath and lied on my bed; after a little bit, I tried to stand up but I couldn’t, it hurt too bad, so I tried to sit down but couldn't do that either. I had to be lying down for relief. I took some paid medication and put some heat on it. I finally got the tens unit. I spend a good two hours in bed with it shocking my back. I was able to get up with it on and grab my medication and then was able to sleep. I woke up this morning and was actually able to get up. I still have a little pain and I am walking cautiously but it definitely doesn’t hurt as bad as last night. Now, let me tell you why I think my back hurts. It’s because of my weight gain. I am not a happy camper right now. I gained more weight this week; I do not feel like I am out of control but I do feel like I need to do something. I actually made it to the gym one time this week. I planned on going more but with the snow/cold days off of school I didn’t; Wednesday I went but Thursday I lied back down and Friday, I have to go in early, so I cant go. But I like Fridays because I get to exercise playing pickleball. So anyway, I need the motivation to go and do more things. I usually watch a show while doing the bike or elliptical, but it doesn’t leave me a lot of room to do weightlifting and I think that is key for weight loss. 

So well see what I can do this upcoming week; I might not be able to go tomorrow because I need to take my car to the auto shop. I am so annoying, its one thing after another, and this time my steering hose needs to be replaced. It is really hard to steer my car right now. I cannot believe another thing is wrong. I have not had the best luck with cars and I am feeling a little defeated. I have had this car for over a year now but have had to put so much into it; its so hard. So well see. I am going to try and eat better this week. I just seem to be starving all the time. I eat one good thing but am still hungry. I am trying to stay away from sweets but its like my body craves it. Last year, I cut it and other things out and now that I have introduced those things back into my diet, my body is holding onto everything. I am so sad. I walk around feeling so disgusted with myself, I try not to think about it but it is constantly on my mind. I feel so fat and ugly and its hard to shake. But I am alive and I have an opportunity to keep trying; and that is what I am going to do this upcoming week.