Its March

So my heart is close to being back together, I did not write what happened to make it fall and break, but it was ripped out and its taken a few weeks but I am back on track and doing okay.

Its March, some day crawl by but the weeks seem to fly. We didn’t have school Friday; that was nice. Its been three weeks with 4 days only of school and work and I am not complaining.

I made a determination to do better in many areas of my life. One of them was exercise and eating; it was interesting once I decided to eat better and not junk, how fast the ED thoughts came. The only way to lose weight is to starve and youll look better if you purge your food. Well I am happy because I have no desire to throw up; sometimes I get full fast and the urge to purge is there, but I will not give heed to its voice. My inner voice sucks, it really does. But this week I combated it strongly. I ate two good meals most every day and stayed away from the sweets. I haven’t stepped on the scale in a long time, I think I might sometime soon to gauge how I am doing but for now, I will focus on how I feel.

This week I went to the gym twice. I was planning on more but Wednesday we had a two hour delay for school and work and then Thursday I just decided I needed to sleep. But I did play pickleball twice this week. Wednesday and Friday. I set my watch and have fun; its such a good workout and I love playing. I wish I could do it everyday but ill take any time I can get. I hope that next week I can go to the gym if I feel good and listen to my body.

This week I tried really hard to work on boundaries. Macy has a hard friend; who wants to play constantly and I get a little overwhelmed somedays. There are days when Macy doesn’t want to play but gets coerced into it; she and I have talked that its okay if you do not want to play, you don’t have to. I hate confrontation and this week had to stand my ground and say no. Well see how it goes in the future but for now, I think we are in a better place.

My kids are still having a hard time getting along; I wish that Teddy had a brother but it just wasn’t in the cards for us. I feel bad for him, but life goes on. I sometimes feel like my kids were destined to be only children but somehow made it into our family. Its my goal to try and figure out how to help them.