Books and Games

This year I finished 25 books; I started number 26 today, but I wont finish it before the end of the day tomorrow...maybe I will but I don't think so. I created an account on an app called Good Reads and there are so many good recommendations and there is a way for me to track what I am reading and what I want to read. There are some people that have read over 100 books this year and while I think that is great, I think me reading my 25 was good too. I find some books easier to pick up and harder to put down and sometimes after reading a book it takes me a good chunk of time before I pick up the next book. I really do like reading and I think some of the people that read more books also listen to the audiobook. I am not a huge fan of audiobooks, my mind wanders too much and I really can't follow. But to each their own!!! Below are the books that I read. 

We also found a few new games this year that were fun, well uno is not a new game but it has been fun to play. We also have played the game sorry a lot and if Macy could play Clue, she would do it everyday, but its not one of my favorites. We got Mantis for Christmas last year and have played on occasion. We got Monopoly deal from one of Teddy's friends this Christmas and have really liked playing it. We played Cover Your Assets at a friends house ages ago and I ordered it a couple of years back, but it has been in my bedside drawer still in the wrapping. We opened it up this break and have really liked it as well. 

I bet there are more fun games like this but I do not like new games, so when I find one that I like, I like to stick to just that. Maybe I will be more open to new things, but maybe not. We shall see!!!

Christmas 2023

I was going to wait until next Sunday to write about Christmas, but I have time today to write, so I thought I would just do it today.

So as I mentioned the girls slept downstairs and it took them a lot longer than I thought to fall asleep; I needed to bring the vacuum downstairs before I went to bed and I waited as long as possible to bring it down, but when I got down there, they were still awake. Sally had been watching her Ipad, I told her to please put it away and try and sleep. They said they weren’t tired, but I finally got them down.

I went to bed a little before midnight. I was happy that I stretched out doing the wrapping throughout the last week, in the past I have stayed up way late into the morning of Christmas. I think I did it then because the kids still believed in Santa and if they saw wrapped presents, they might have guessed that he wasn’t real. We have told our kids that we help Santa and that the spirit of Santa is real. I do not think Sally gets it yet, but that’s okay.

So anyway, early Monday morning I heard the girls downstairs fighting; Sally finally came up and said that Macy had told her that she couldn’t come up and give me a hug and tried to force her to stay downstairs. While I wanted them to stay down there, I was fine with her giving me a hug. I think this was around 6:00 in the morning, and I desperately wanted to get more sleep, so I told her to go back down and try and watch something and wait it out. I had told them the night before that we were going to try to shoot for 8 am to open presents.

I did not fully fall back asleep but I was able to get a little shut eye and then around 8, they kids came up and said that their dad was finishing going to the bathroom and then we could commence with Christmas.

We let the kids open up their stocking stuff and then they took turns opening up their presents. It took us about 40 minutes from start to finish and I was happy that we did it the way we did. I remember in years past that something that was hard for me after Christmas morning was the mess. This year I really wanted to stay on top of it all. While we opened up the presents my husband had a bag for the wrappings and garbage and we did a good job of getting all the paper in the trash but there was still a lot of stuff just around.

After opening presents, my husband went back to bed and I decided to lay down too. Guess what, I fell asleep…like really clonked out. I was awakened a few times but I was in bed for a good 3 hours. I didn’t want to wake up when Teddy came and asked to go to a friends house but I got up and took him to Rexburg. I stopped at Walgreens on the way home because I wanted to get some eye make up removed pads that I got there a while ago, but today they were out. I looked it up on their website but it did not give me anything. I was able to find a different brand and bought it.

Something that I am wanting to do better is wearing some make up and washing it off at night. Right now, I always do my brows and sometimes I wear mascara but that is it. I wish that I cared more about my physical appearance but when you are overweight and feel ugly, no amount of make up is going to change your opinion.

So anyway, I got home and realized that my living room was a disaster…the girls had opened up many of their things and had it strewn across the floor. I just went into my room again and decided to not think about it.

My husband came up a little while later and asked if we wanted to go to a movie. We normally try and go to one on Christmas but I am not a huge fan of movies. There were two movies that we thought about going to and ended up going to an animated movie called Migration.

It turned out to be cute but not spectacular. We had picked up Teddy from his friends house on the way and he wasn’t too keen on going to the movie, he had wanted to see the Willy Wonka movie, but the girls picked this one and we decided to go as a family. He ended up falling asleep at the beginning and slept though the whole movie. Halfway through Macy said her tummy hurt and laid down on the disgusting floor. Sally didn’t stay in her seat the whole time, it was a little embarrassing but there were only like 5 other people in the theatre, so I said whatever.

We came home and I did a little bit of cleaning but there is still a mess. I told myself that I was going to clean it up after we put our tree away but then my husband said we should keep the tree up a little bit longer, so well see when I tackle the living room and kitchen. I did the dishes and we finished our Christmas puzzle that we started on Christmas eve. My husband is really good at puzzles and Macy and I tried to help. Christmas eve he stayed up late working on it too and did a good deal of it. I think Macy had a good time.

So anyway, that is it for our Christmas. We only had a few tears, I gave Sally the wrong make up kit and she was super sad but then happy in the end because the one she got was better than the one I got for Macy. I think I actually put the wrong names on them but whatever. I told them that it would be great if they could just share it and be kind to each other. That is one of the things that I told them I wanted for Christmas, for them to get along. Well see if I get my present and wish.

That's a wrap, till next year!!

Christmas Eve and the Week Leading Up to It...

So my husband made it home in time for all of us to go to the high school together, we were a little late but made it. It was a lot smaller this year and it was interesting because some of the teachers were boycotting the dinner. The school district normally gives the teachers a little stipend around the holidays but this year said that they would not be able to. But then they had this dinner for the teachers and they provided them with a tumbler as well. Some of the teachers were not happy with it, but my kids got to run around in the gym and I did not have to cook dinner and got a free meal. I was fine.

Tuesday I signed up to bring a dessert to the school for our lunch. The first three days of the week, we had a lunch provided in the lounge; the school was broken up into three and each day people provided lunch and a treat. Monday they had Hawaiian haystacks, and Tuesday our group did a taco bar and on Wednesday they had soup. So I was going to make another pan of pumpkin squares but we had some leftover from Sunday, so I just put some on a plate and brought it. They all got eaten, I could have done more but I was glad I didn’t make another one.

Tuesday afternoon Sally had some more testing; I had to answer some more questions and it was a two hour appointment, so after I finished my part, I just sat and ready. Sally was nervous again when we first got there but seemed to do okay. I am just so apprehensive about it all.

Wednesday Macy had her first physical therapy appointment. Looking back I do not think that I mentioned what is going on with her. So for the past couple of months, she has been complaining about knee pain. I kept putting it off as growing pains and what not, but last week I finally took her into the doctor. The pain is actually below the knee where the growth plate is. They took some x-rays and came back to say that she probably has something called Osgood Schlatter’s disease. Osgood-Schlatter disease is an inflammation of the area where the patellar tendon attaches to the shinbone; it is caused by the growing of the bones and how the muscles are not growing as fast at the bones and there is some strain. So anyway, last week Macy after going to the doctor, we went and got some braces to wear and then got a referral for PT.

The appointment went good, she is going to the same place that Teddy went to last year and I think it will help her. I am a little sad because we had a good insurance last time and now we are going to have to pay a lot more, but you would do anything to help your kids heal right…we have exercises to do at home and well do PT for the next month to see if we can help get her muscles in her thigh to strengthen and give a little relief to the tendons.

Teddy had a birthday party on Wednesday; there is a new snow park in Idaho Falls that has a big tube hill. My husband was able to drop him off after work and I was able to pick him up later. He had a great time. He really has such a good group of friends.

Sally had a friend come over after PT; this friend had come over before school started but it was a little awkward because my husband set up the play date and I wasn’t home at the time and when I got home, Sally was not home. The friend and her dad were waiting and so I hopped in my car in search of Sally. I could not find her. I drove all around town and nothing. I called the neighbor who she was supposedly playing with and her daughter was not home either. I had a feeling they were together but could not find them. I called the mom back and she said that her daughter had talked about wanting to go to the dollar store later on and I decided to go and look. Low and behold they were in the check out line of the store. The friends older brother was with them, so two eight year olds hadn’t been shopping all alone but Sally didn’t have any money, the friend was going to pay for the stuff. But the friend didn’t have enough, so I ended up paying for the left over and then hauled Sally’s little booty out of there. We made it back to our house and the girls tried to play, but it was the first time they had met and the friend was a little shy and didn’t want to stay too long.

This friend ended up being in Sally’s class at school and her dad works at the high school and went to the home football games and the dinner we provided for the coaches after. So Sally and this friend got to know each other and play more at the school. So this time, coming to our house, they had a good time. We had scheduled to play pickleball Wednesday evening, so I brought her friend home and the girls came to the church with me. They were going to watch some little boys in the nursery, while the adults played. Well, of course, this night there was a conflict and someone else was already in the gym at the church. I was sad not to get to play but Macy was so sad that she didn’t get to babysit the boys.

So I texted the mom and asked if they wanted to go out and do something, we could come over and watch the boys at their house. She texted back and said that they would love to do something and if we wanted to come on Thursday.

Thursday Sally had her last day of testing; I had to fill out a 275 question paper and it was a little tedious but I finished it. I also met with the tester at the end and did another questionnaire about autism. After doing this one, I had the feeling that Sally is not autistic but I definitely feel like she has something going on with her brain and something is off; the lady said that it would take about a week for her to finish her report and then the doctor would compile all the stuff and let us know. So fingers crossed we hear back soon and I can have some answers. Sally is happy that she no longer has to go and get therapy on her brain. So we shall see.

So after coming home from her testing, we got ready and headed over to babysit. The girls did so good and played with the boys and then we watched some Bluey and then the parents were home. It went quick and I was happy we were able to do it.

Teddy had a Christmas party that I was able to get him a ride too and I was glad. He has a girl that he likes but they are just friends. He has a group of kids that just all hang out and its nice. He went out with my husband earlier in the week and used his own money to buy a present for this girl. He got her some slippers and she said she really liked them. They text a lot but I am glad because he does it from his Ipad and it is though my phone number so I can see whatever they talk.

After babysitting, the girls and I headed to Idaho Falls. I had told Sally earlier that we could go to dinner. Macy really wanted Taco Bell but Sally wanted McDonalds. I told Macy we could drive thru and get her a taco and eat it at McDonalds. We got down to Idaho Falls and there were literally over 20 cars in the drive thru at Taco Bell, I told her we could park and go in but as we did a car motioned for us to roll our window down and they told us that the wait time was an hour. Macy was sad but I told her we were not going to wait and I convinced her the McDonalds was okay.

We ordered and had our food within 10 minutes and they had a nice time playing on the play place.

They each got a 10 piece nuggets and I got a burger and smoothie. I tried a few of their nuggets and it brought back memories of driving cross country when I was probably about their age. I could down a 20 piece nuggets like no other; that was about the time where I gained a ton of weight and started the uphill battle that I am still facing today.

My girls are in a good place right now; they both weigh more than most of their kids for their age but they haven’t ever mentioned much about being fat or anything like that. I have dreaded them getting older and having to possibly deal with what I went through. I was a maniac about food and ate like there was no tomorrow; I would not wish upon anyone the war that I have fought the last almost 30 years but I have tools that I hope that I can bring to my girls and help them.

Anyway, when we got back I went and got Teddy and then took a bath and went to bed.

Friday morning I was so happy that we did not have to wake up for work and school. I was able to sleep in a little bit but got up and got ready for a surprise birthday party for a lady in our ward. It was sweet and nice to get out and have a breakfast.

After I got home, Teddy and I got ready and went to the temple with another family from our ward. It turned out really nice; I was able to be baptized and that is always special. I did it back in August but the last few times that I have been with Teddy, I have just witnessed.

My husband was able to take Macy to physical therapy and then he took both girls to Idaho Falls to try and find some new pillows for his bed. He is so particular about his pillows. Last time we had to replace them, we went to four different stores and finally found some that were suitable for his needs. This time he was not able to find some, so well have to see if we can go again sometime. He also said that for Christmas he wanted a new quilt; but when I asked if he found one he liked, he said he forgot to look.

He did buy the girls some new shoes; Macy has grown out of her Sunday shoes and so she got some boots to wear this winter. Sally got some shiny combat boots that I think she will wear for church.

While they were gone, Teddy had a friend come over and I just puttered around. I started in my room wrapping some presents and then I started some laundry and then I tried to spend a little bit of time in each room. I seemed to be going and going all afternoon but didn’t really have much to show for it. I hope that I can get it cleaned up more. My husband decided to write out a list of things that needed to be worked out and so well see if we stick to it.

Friday night a family brought over a card game called Monopoly Deal; Macy, Sam and I played it and it was actually fun. I am not a huge game fan and have never really liked monopoly but I tried and it turned out nice.

Sally fell asleep on the couch as we played and Macy wanted to stay up forever. She is having a really hard time sleeping right now, especially in her own bed. Sometimes she comes into bed with me and is asleep in 2 minutes and sleeps well, but in her own bed it’s a different story. I think its a lot in her head but she just says shes not tired every night and she tells herself in her head and she cant sleep in her bed and sikes herself out.

She was able to get to sleep after a while and I was glad. Saturday morning Sally woke up pretty early and I got her some breakfast. I tried to go back to sleep but I was not able to. I decided to get up and get a start on my day. I started with the upstairs bathroom and was able to get that cleaned up. I then started puttering again, I went through the different rooms upstairs and started small. Around 9 I decided that I would go down to Idaho Falls for some last minute shopping. I was glad I got out when I did, it was already busy and I bet if I would have gone in the after it would have been super crowded.

So while we were on our way to the temple on Friday, my neighbor commented that she was upset that the sun was shinning and that we didn’t have snow for Christmas. I checked my weather app and nothing showed up. Well, Saturday morning we woke up to snow and I was so annoyed, but then I thought about my friend and was happy for her. The roads were not too bad but I did go slower than I normally would have. It kept snowing most of the day.

I went to Target and got the girls a few stocking stuff. I got Sally a sweater and I hope that she likes it. I also went down the book isle and it took my a long time but I was able to find her two books. After I left the store, I realized that one of the books that I had gotten her was the second book in a series, so I went onto Amazon and ordered book one. This is one of the times that I don’t like shopping and finding things so close to Christmas. If I can’t find it in the store and I have to order it, it wont get here in time. But at least she has something to open up and will get the book a few days later.

I then went over to Walmart and did some food shopping and got Teddy a few stocking stuffer stuff. I was able to make it home in time to take Teddy to a friends house in Rexburg. While I was gone, the kids had cleaned up downstairs and that was nice. I was able to get the upstairs looking pretty good.

Macy had a birthday party in the afternoon; she was so happy to get to get out of the house. I was happy for her too. We were not able to get to everything on our list of things to do. Because of the snow my husband did not want to clean out his car and the garage was just looming at us all day. My husband told me that we would tackle it at a certain time, but he fell asleep and couldn’t wake up, so we put it off. We shall see if we really get to it next week.

Thursday had been our garbage day and we forgot to put out of can. Macy normally does it after singing and dance class but we didn’t have it this week, so we forgot. We have a ton of garbage bags in the garage, so I hope we can get it cleaned and taken out this week. My husband said he will take the boxes and bags to the school dumpster one day…

When she got home from her party, I asked my husband if he wanted to go down to Idaho Falls to get a few things for him for Christmas, but he said he didn’t want to hassle with the crowds and we could go after Christmas. I had wanted to get him at least something to be able to open. He wants a new Sunday shirt and a new quilt to sleep with; but I am glad that we didn’t go down there either. I really only have one thing under the tree as well, so that’s okay.

That night we did brave the crowd at our local grocery store, we got a few things for dinner and then we got some stuff for Christmas eve. It is a tradition for the kids to play minute to win it games and this year we picked a few more than we normally do. Last year there was one that made me mad because it got my kitchen floor all wet, so I said they couldn’t do that one but others would be fine. My husband did a good job of finding stuff to do.

Something else that was interesting was our bill at the store was huge, my husband made a comment that we did not buy that much stuff but it was so expensive. I have been stressing so much about money and how we are going to survive. His rationality is still for me to get a full time job and I am still just not wanting too. I hate that I have put myself in this situation; I am so overwhelmed and not sure what to do. But I am going to keep trying to figure it out. One night this week I searched some jobs; two companies have stuck out to me and they had different positions open a lot of them were 12 hour shifts and some were nights. I wish there was a night shift that was 8 hours. Maybe I can keep looking and maybe something can work out. I just also like what I am doing at the school. I like being in the background and I do not like having a ton of responsibilities. I like doing what the teachers need me to do and I like going home and not worrying about work stuff. So I don’t know what to do.

Anyway, I wrapped presents on Saturday night after the kids went to bed. I soaked in a bath for a while and then went to bed. I forgot that it was my dad's 70th birthday on Saturday, I was able to call intime to get him and tell him. What a great accomplishment, my parents are in Charlotte at my sister's house and they made it very special for him. I was glad!!!

Sunday morning came bright and early. Sally was up at the crack of dawn again and I got her some breakfast and laid back down, but it was only for a little bit. I got up and got ready. My husband told the girls when they went down to wake him up, that he was too tried to go. When I went to bed last night after midnight, he and Teddy were still up downstairs. Teddy was up this morning but not him. I do not know what time he went to bed but he said he didn’t sleep at all and couldn’t get up.

I didn’t push it and it was just the kids and I who went to church. We seemed to be on track to get to church in plenty of time, but we were a few minutes late. We had what seemed like a lot of people there today. Our normal row was occupied so we found a seat on the side bench with another family. It was a little tight but we made it. Sally almost had a complete meltdown that we were sitting somewhere different, but she calmed down after a few minutes. Teddy was up passing the sacrament, so when he came back down, I told him to sit in front of us. His friend had a spot next to him so I told him he could go sit by him. I hope his mom was okay with that.

The girls got to sing at church and then we had some other musical numbers and that was it. We did not have our singing and classes today, which was nice. But we also got home from church at 10 and it was a long day. I got the kids some lunch and then I laid back down and today I was able to go to sleep, it was not uninterrupted because the kids kept coming in but I did sleep some. I was annoyed because I was actually more tired when I got up but was able to get out of my fog.

Saturday night we started a puzzle that someone had given us and it took us forever to get the edge pieces and the border done, but we did before we went to bed. Macy and I worked on it this afternoon and made minuscule progress but had a good time. My husband made dinner tonight, it was his authentic lasagna. His meal take over 3 hours to make, so while he was doing that he came in to help with the puzzle too. He is the better of the three and we were glad for his help.

After dinner we cleaned up some more and then the kids got to open up their Christmas eve present. It was jammies and they seemed to like them. We then played the minute to win it games and prepared for bed. 

The girls are sleeping downstairs and that is nice. They had a harder time falling asleep but I think they are down now. They went to bed an hour or more earlier than the last two nights, so I bet they will be up bright and early, but hopefully they can find something to do downstairs in the morning and let us sleep in some. If not, o well.

I was able to get their stuff set out; I kept saying that we were going to have a small Christmas but it seems like we have a lot of stuff, a lot of it is small, but I think the kids are going to like it. I am ready for bed and I am preparing myself for tomorrow. There is always an excitement for Christmas morning and then I have this overwhelming sadness and let down. I am mentally telling myself that it will be okay and I know it will be. Last Christmas my phone was acting up too, so it was even harder to enjoy the morning when I couldn’t document how I wanted to. Fingers crossed tomorrow goes off without a hitch.

I like it to last as long as it can. In my home growing up, we had breakfast and then went downstairs or out to the stockings. We opened up our stocking stuff and then we waited and then went around one at a time opening up gifts and it was more drawn out. My husband and his brothers got up early and without his parents, went and opened up all their stuff and it was done really fast. That is normally how he wants to do Christmas, most of the time he just wants to go back to sleep; but then I want to do it my way. So we kind of came up with unsaid rule that I would take one year and him the next. Well Macy told me today that she wanted to take her time. She went and told her dad and I know that he thinks I told her that is how we should do it, but didn’t say anything so we shall see. I think it is his year, so when we get up and going tomorrow, I will just sit back and see how it plays out. It sometimes is hard to relinquish the control of what I want, but I am trying hard to be better.

So that’s it for this week

Middle of December

I was so slacking this past week; its already Monday…the last week went pretty fast. Monday Sally started her testing and it was interesting, I will not know what the heck is going on until they do her full report at the end of the testing. I had some paperwork to fill out while she met with the lady; some questions were hard to answer but others were easy. She was being very shy in front of the tester but I know she gets anxious being put in new situations but then for the most part warms up. It happens at church all the time, she has had the best teachers this year. I am nervous for the new year and what it will bring. On a side note, I have been ready to be done with my primary teaching calling for a while, I have been in there for over 4 years and I am tired. We got a new primary presidency a couple of months ago and I know the old president had told the new one that I was ready to be done but she either wasn’t listening or didn’t care. So the old president has been texting occasionally to see if I was being assertive and speaking up. I finally texted the bishop and asked to see if I could be done. He said he would talk to the president and let me know, but I was just glad I spoke up for my needs and got the ball rolling. So anyway, back to the testing, I wish I could have been a fly on the wall to see what happened behind the closed door. I know Sally is such a smart girl and can be a very happy and kind girl when it benefits her, but at other times she is a complete mess. She seems to do okay in school, so I know that its just in our home. I hope we can get some answers.

Tuesday I met with my therapist and she didn’t mention the other counselor again, and we just worked through a few things. She gave me a handout about a cycle that I seem to be stuck in. She talked about where in the cycle I need to break and do better. I left feeling okay and I am going to keep trying.

Tuesday evening the girls had their family and friends singing performance at the elementary school. It turned out good, my sister in law and her mom came as well as one of Macy’s friends. I am glad that they like it.

I had it on my calendar that Sally’s testing was going to be Thursday but they called on Tuesday evening and said that it was going to be on Wednesday, lucky we didn’t have anything Wednesday and we were able to make it. I also had it that her appointment was going to be two hours but it only ended up being one; which was totally fine, I just didn’t have anything right in my calendar. Today I had a questionnaire of 175 questions to answer, again it was interesting. Since I am not able to be in the room with her while she is being tested, I am glad that I get to fill out something that will help them know how she is when she is at home.

Thursday the girls had two things going on; the first was their activity at the church. They were able to finish up some ornaments that they had made two weeks ago and then they were able to make some chocolate covered pretzels. I think they had a good time. After their activity they had a party at their dance studio where they watched a recording of their performance. My neighbor was able to bring them and that was really nice.  

Friday I had a hair appointment in the afternoon. Sally was able to go to a friends house and Macy played with some neighbors. Teddy had wanted to go to a friends house but none of his friends messaged me back. Sometimes that’s a little annoying, but I am guilty of that sometimes too. After my appointment we got ready and went down to Idaho Falls to the mall for the girls final singing performance. Macy’s schoolteacher and my friend Courtney were able to come and that was nice. The girls sounded great and it looked like they were having a great time.

We decided to go out to dinner after the performance. My husband really wanted to go to Chiles but they girls wanted Applebee’s. I was fine with either but the girls got what they wanted. It was good but pricey, when you are struggling with money, its always hard.

Saturday morning was a baptism of one of the kids in Sally’s church class. Macy really wanted to go but Sally told her she couldn’t. I have such a hard time with my girls and them being jealous, I wasn’t sure why Sally wanted to go by herself but I bribed her with a trip to the dollar tree if she let Macy go and it took her a minute, but she said yes. We picked up another girl from her class and went. It turned out nice. The lady that gave the talk on baptism, copied my sister’s talk from Sally’s baptism. She used the letters of baptism and talked about each letter and how its associated with the whole word. When you find something nice, you keep doing it.

I came home from the baptism and laid down not intending to fall asleep but I did and it felt so good. I did not want to get up a couple hours later but I know I needed to, I was able to get my kitchen and living room semi clean. Macy had a friend come over for a couple of hours in the afternoon and that was nice. After her friend left, I ran to our towns grocery store and grabbed two items for dinner for the family and then I ran down to Idaho Falls to Walmart. I had a few things to return and then get things for the upcoming week. I absolutely hate going shopping right now because everything is so dang expensive. What use to cost be less than 100 bucks now is over 200. It’s just so ridiculously crazy. Anyway, I got home and just chilled. I knew that I was going to have to get up early on Sunday, so I went to be earlier than I normally do on a Saturday night.

Sunday, Macy and I had to get up early to go to choir practice at the church. Teddy was awake when we left and I set an alarm on Sally’s ipad so that she would wake up my husband. They made it on time and Macy and I got to sing a song with the choir. It turned out good. I am glad that Macy had enough confidence to get up there with my and all the older people and sing her little heart out.

After I got home from church, I made the kids some dinner and then I made some pumpkin squares. We have been doing our neighbor gifts that last few weeks and there were a few people that I didn’t have a gift for, so we made some treats. I doubled the recipe and one of them got a little burned, but it turned out okay. I had a meeting with the bishop in the afternoon. He told me that the primary president was sad to be losing me but he would honor my request and be released from my teaching calling. He told me he didn’t want me to get dormant and sometimes that happens if you don’t have a calling for a while. I told him that I just needed a break and that I would still come to church. I am ready for a reprieve. I have been with the same kids for 4 years and I was just tired. So we shall see. I taught today and I was thinking that it will be my last one for a while, yes!!!

After my meeting I came home and we delivered some plates of the pumpkin squares, some people were not home and others were. Some I know were home but were probably taking a nap or something. I didn’t want to bring any plates home, so we brought two plates to two of Sally’s friends. It turned out good.

My friend Courtney came for dinner tonight; my husband had a meeting in the afternoon and I didn’t know when he was going to be home so while we waited for him we played some games. She brought yatzee and then we played this other Christmas game that my sister got us. We had a nice time. My husband got home and we got dinner made. We then just hung out. That’s about it.

Today is Monday and we only have three more days until Christmas break. It cannot come soon enough. We have lunch at the school today, tomorrow and Wednesday and I signed up to bring a treat Tuesday. I still don’t know what I am going to do, at first I was going to make some more pumpkin squares, but I still have half a pan now, so I was thinking that I might just go get some pumpkin bread from the store and put both of them on a platter. We shall see…

Tonight there is a dinner at the high school for teachers and their families; we were planning on going but then my husband realized he had a lesson during that time. So now I get to decide if I bring the kids by myself and he come at the end or I make dinner at our house. I wanted to push the dinner I was going to make to another day, but I don’t know if I want to go without my husband. I will check with the kids and we shall see…

December-First Week

Its been a week…holy cow the week seemed to drag and then be over at the same time. Its already Sunday evening again and the looming of a new week is upon us. The kids are outside in the backyard this afternoon and fighting and crying and I just don’t know what to do to help them. Sally does start her testing tomorrow and I am hoping something good can come out of it and we can get some answers.

My house is utter chaos and messy; I let Sally play in family in the living room yesterday and was gone most of the day, so it was so bad when I got home but didn’t want to tackle it. It is threatening to make me go insane, because I have such high intentions and expectations for myself that I ended up failing and feeling annoyed and mad. I need so bad to just let myself off the hook and give myself some slack. I love a clean house but I also like kids that get along too and I don’t have that either, so its really a lose lose situation for me.

Anyway, lets see if I can remember what went on this week. Monday Teddy had a wrestling match at home in Rigby but I convinced my husband to go to it. I had told him since I went to the tournament last week in Rupert, he could go to this one. I had a meeting with my dietitian and then got a text from my husband asking when I was going to be coming to the match, I guess I wasn’t clear when I said I wasn’t going to be going. I stood my ground and said I wasn’t going to be able to go. My husband said he wasn’t feeling great, but I still did not end up going.

I went to pickleball and was able to find a sub for Teddy who was still at the school with my husband. I am not sure what time they got home, but I was happy for a little break. When I got home, Sally was asleep but Macy wasn’t. She is having a really hard time right now going to sleep and staying asleep. I read some from her book and it seemed like she fell asleep but when I left, she called out and said she couldn’t. She ended up going downstairs and watching something with my husband, I went to bed and woke up in the morning to her sleeping on the couch. So I am not sure how much sleep she was able to get.

Tuesday the girls had a rehearsal at their dance studio, our neighbor was able to bring them and take them home because she had to be there the whole time. I was grateful.

Wednesday the girls had their last rehearsal for their singing and dance class. It was two hours, so I was able to go and play pickleball while they were there. It was great.

Thursday I volunteered to cook some funeral potatoes for our ward party; I didn’t have to make it or anything, I just had to take the pans from the gentleman that brought them and put them in the oven. The girls had their dress rehearsal at the middle school for their dance performance; they were able to go with the neighbor again. She also curled their hair for me. I just suck at doing hair and everything associated with girly things. I wish I could do it but its just not me. I was grateful for her.

I hadn’t planned on going to our ward party but after volunteering to do the pans of potatoes, I decided to go. My husband hadn’t been feeling good this week but he ended up going to an open gym for baseball and so it was just Teddy and me. He had a friend going, so he just hung out with him and I was really just on my own.

The primary sung two songs during the program and my girls were able to make it to that; my neighbor brought them to the church after their practice. Macy was so happy to make it in time to sing. Our music leader was sick, so she asked me and another lady to help out, it turned out good, they definitely had angels singing with them because one of the songs we didn’t know too well, but they did well. Santa came to the party and even though I think the girls know they we are Santa's helpers and he is not really coming down the chimney, they still wanted to sit on his lap. This year he was in a recliner chair and it was an ackward angle for a picture, I still took one anyway...

I made a dinner plate for my husband and then as I was leaving, there were some people in the kitchen, they said thy had a whole turkey that they were needing someone to take. I wasn’t really sure I wanted it but I said yes and took it home.

Friday after school Sally went over to play with a friend and Macy went to a neighbors. I was able to get some other work done. Teddy had his last wrestling practice today. I think he had a good time but I think he is also glad it is done. He is going to be doing some open gym/speed and agility after school now; I think he is looking forward to that.

Friday evening I was able to bring him to a friends house and he got to go to another ward party with them. I got the girls ready for their singing and dance performance. They will have three performance, today was at a local nursing home and it turned out really nice. Both the girls did great with their singing and their parts. They will have two more performances this upcoming week.

Saturday was a busy day; I set up an appointment to go to the temple at 11. I had planned to take Macy to a friends house in Idaho Falls but it ended up not working out. So Saturday morning I asked another friend if the girls could play. Normally it’s the friend that only has Sally play, when both my girls go together, they seem to not get along but today, they were going to go up to Rexburg to walk at the indoor track and they said the girls could come, I was grateful. My husband and Teddy were in Rexburg getting haircuts.

Teddy also had a party in Rexburg that was supposed to start at 2, but my husband ended up dropping him off at 10:30 and he just played until the party.

I was able to make it to the temple and then I ran to Sam’s Club and decided to try and run into the secondhand kids store to see if they had any clothes for the girls. I use to be able to find some stuff but I didn’t have the patience on Saturday, it was also crowded and traffic was bad, so I just wanted to get out.

I decided to not go home but go to Rexburg and run into the thrift store there; as I was driving up to get Teddy, he called and asked to stay longer. I let him stay for 30 more minutes but then had to get back to get the girls to the neighbors for her to do their hard for their dance performance. We made it just in time.

Their recital was entitled Born is the King and it was very nice. Both girls did a great job and I was proud of them. Macy was a wiseman servant and Sally was an angel.

That night after I got the girls down, I was able to do the dishes, I normally leave them for the morning or afternoon of the next day but I wanted to go to sleep Saturday night with a clean sink, the rest of the house though made up for a clean sink, it was bad.

So anyway, back to today. I did not want to get up this morning…the girls were up early and I got them breakfast and then laid back down. When the alarm rang I was not too happy. I got Teddy up and then had Macy wake up her dad. He wasn’t happy that we were late getting him up, whatev…I got the girls ready and then the kids and I left for church. My husband texted that he wasn’t feeling well and was going to stay home. I was already at church, so it really did not matter too much for me.

The kids did okay, Sally always has a hard time but I just try to keep my cool and try my best to help her.

After church we came home and Macy and I went to choir practice; this week went better than last. The director was able to find the song in English, yay.

After choir, I came home and made lunch for everybody. I then started working on our deliveries. We decided to go up to Rexburg today, but also had a few for people in Rigby. We left around 4 and delivered to some neighbors and then headed up north.

We first stopped at one of Teddy’s friends, it was an adventure. The roads have not been the best because of the snow and his friend lives at the bottom of a hill. I was going pretty slow but the turn came up too fast and I started sliding. I overcorrected and the car went down into somebody’s front yard, I took out some kind of wooden garden thing. I tried to back up but I wasn’t going anywhere, but I was able to go forward and get into the driveway of Teddy’s friend.

I got out of the car and fixed the neighbors wooden flower box and we went and delivered the gift. I asked them if their neighbor was nice and they said yes. I was on my way to knock on their door but they pulled up in their car. They were nice and said it was okay. Thank goodness it was nothing more, I am glad I didn’t take out a wooden or brick mailbox or run into a house. I am counting my blessing.

We then made some more deliveries and then came home. I had wanted to make a turkey soup with the leftover turkey from Thursday but it was too late when I got home and I just made some Chinese food, it turned out okay.

I was sorta semi able to get the living room clean; and I was able to get the girls asleep by 9:30. I wish I was going to bed with a super clean house tonight but I’m not. I am going to go to bed and wake up ready for a new week. We have 9 more days of school before we have two weeks off.

I had conflicting feelings today; I am not a huge fan of the holiday season and on one had I wanted it to go fast but then today I wanted things to slow down, I do not know where it came from but sometimes just the hype of the holidays comes with anxiety for me and then the let down after its over it hard too. I don’t know, I am weird but life it just coming from all sides and sometimes its more than I can handle but then I have to handle it and somehow we make it.

Its December

Monday came bring and early; my husband didn’t sleep well and called in sick. He wasn’t too happy that he had to do that, but that’s okay. That meant that I had to take Teddy to school, which wasn’t that bad. I told myself as I was getting ready for bed on Sunday that I wanted to go to the gym this week; but I was still wearing my jammies when I was taking Teddy to school. But on the way home from taking him, I told myself that I was going to go home, got to my room and put on my workout clothes that I had set out. Well I got home and went into my room and almost reset my alarm and laid back down, but I didn’t. I was proud of myself for getting my clothes and going to the gym. I only rode the bike and did some weights for my upper body, but I did it.

Monday afternoon I was able to meet with my dietitian after having a couple of weeks off. We worked on some exercises for me to try in hopes to get my nervous system in balance and thus helping my body heal. I am trying so hard to be open and perceptive of what she is teaching me and keep it going. This therapy is called working from the bottom up and not the top down. Its interesting, but I am grateful. Monday night we played pickleball, so it was a good work out day.

I ended up going to the gym each day this week, well Monday-Friday and it felt really good. I haven’t done that in a really long time, so I was happy at myself for getting up and doing it.

Tuesday I was able to meet with my counselor and it was interesting. I mentioned that a few weeks ago, I tried to get my tears to come, because they have been there right behind my eyes but they hadn’t come. Well today, I did cry a little bit, well not necessarily crying but kinds teary eyed; we talked about the stress of the holiday season and it just adds to my heighted stress that I always seem to have. She told me that she had an impression to see if I wanted to work with a different counselor that works with a different type of therapy; she mentioned that she didn’t want me to think she was trying to get rid of me, but that is how it felt. I was kind of sad as I was leaving, I told her that I would think about it. I have done some research and it seems like a cool different approach, but I don’t want to start fresh with someone new. Maybe that is my problem that I am comfortable and not making much progress, but I think I can keep doing with her what we have been working on and maybe I can do it. I don’t know, I am so conflicted. I wish I could do both of the, once each week. Well see.

Teddy had a wrestling meet; I was running a little late because I had to stop by the UPS store in Idaho Falls to drop of some returns. Well the store was crazy packed and I was late getting to the middle school but he hadn’t wrestled yet and when I had sat down, he came up and told me that he might not even have a match because there wasn’t a kid his weight from the other school that was on JV. We waited and he kept telling me that he kind of wanted to go home but his coach said they would find someone for him to wrestle, even if it was from his own school. Well after two and a half hours of waiting, he got to wrestle a kid from his school. He did good and pinned him. For the past month, he has been wrestling in the 121 weight group, but when he was sick he lost some weight and is not 116. The next weight down is 115 and he said he wanted to try for that. I told him that I didn’t want him to cut weight, he could eat good and work out and see if he could, but not really try. So well see…it was a long afternoon

Wednesday I had to take my husband down to Idaho Falls for his follow up appointment with the ENT. He was able to get his stents out and he was happy about that. His appointment was the same time as Macy’s dance, but I was able to find her a ride. Very grateful. I was also about to find a good deal on a new laptop, so we stopped at Walmart and I was able to pick it up. I hope that no water damage will occur on this new one. It was such a freak accident back in the spring. It had been okay with my sharing my husbands laptop, but I was happy to be able to get my own.

Also, because I used the same log in with Microsoft, I was able to get back some documents from before. When the previous laptop busted, I was able to the data off onto a jump drive too, so I have it all now. I was able to get it set up and working.

Wednesday night, the girls had their first rehearsal for their singing and dance class, so they were meeting from 6-8 instead of 7-7:50, I was able to go to the church and play pickleball from 6:30-8.

Thursday the girls had activity days and that was nice. AND ITS DECEMBER

Friday after work and school, the girls went over to a friends house. This is normally the friend that just Sally goes to but Teddy and I were going to the temple, so Macy asked if she could go. I really did not want both girls to go, they normally fight and it gets embarrassing but Macy begged and Sally said it was okay. I dropped them off and then went to get Teddy from practice. Then we picked up one of his friends who came with us.

I am glad that Teddy likes to go to the temple and I am glad he had a friend because there were only three other girls from our ward that went. It didn’t take too long and we went out for a treat afterwards. We went to Twisted Sugar, it is similar to the other drink and cookie shops that we have around but they had many more option. They had over 10 different cookies and lots of drink options and Teddy and his friend got milkshakes, Teddy also tried a cookies and cream cookie, it looked yummy…I have been trying to be good, so I did not have anything, but maybe one day I can try it.  

After coming back from Idaho Falls, I dropped Teddy off at his friends house and picked up the girls. I made some dinner and then headed down to Idaho Falls again to my friend Courtney’s house. She was hosting a painting night and I told her that I would go.

It turned out to be nice; we had some appetizer and some treats and then we did a beginner youtube video of a canvas painting of a snowman. I did not think that I was going to be able to do it and was hesitant when she first asked but I think I did an okay job for my first time, I deviated some from what the lady on the screen did but the other ladies that were there did it more like she had it. Either way it was fun

I did not get home till late and had to wake up early to go to a wrestling match for Teddy. Our whole family was going to go but Sam decided to stay home with the girls. Because it was late already when I got home, he volunteered to take Teddy to the school at 4:45 in the morning and then go back to sleep. I was grateful.

I jolted awake at 5:02 and was scared that he might have forgotten but I went downstairs and Teddy was gone. I went back to sleep until 7:00 and then I got up and got ready. His tournament today was over in Rupert at Minico High School. This is the same high school that my mother went to, kinda fun. I contacted my aunt and uncle who still live there but they had a busy day today, and I guess so did we.

Teddy had 4 matches and went 2-2; he is a good sport and I think he had a good time. I was able to read some and the rest was kind of boring but we made it. He and I had dinner at Costa Vida; I got the soup and it tasted good. I also ordered some chips, queso and guacamole and was okay eating it. I also had a bite of his key lime pie and I felt okay.

I was a little worried about the roads today, but they were okay. There were only a few times that I had to slow down and on the way home it was drizzling, so I couldn’t use cruise control, but we made it. I had given myself longer to drive home, so I was happy when we got home at 8:45 instead of 10…

I really did not want to go to the store, and I started a little list but then realized that we had everything for burgers for Sunday. Yay. I was able to take a shower and wash my hair and then get into some comfy clothes.

Near the end of the wrestling tournament, my right ear started to get cloudy and it starting to hurt, by the end I couldn’t hear out of the ear and it was aching so bad. I don’t know if I have ever had an ear ache as an adult but it makes me feel for kids that get them all the time; it hurts. So anyway, it hurt all the way home and then my jaw started hurting. By the time I got home, I was not feeling good, I did not do much in the evening and I just sat in bed and actually fell asleep sitting up with the towel in my hair.

Before I laid down, I took some cold medicine and I didn’t get a restful sleep, and wasn’t sure this morning when I woke up if I was going to go to church, I was really stuffed up and was coughing some. But I looked at my phone and one of the other teachers for our class said that she was not feeling well and wasn’t going to make it. So I sucked it up and got ready. I was worried I was going to have a coughing fit, but it went okay.

It was the first Sunday today, so it was testimony meeting; you know what I was sitting there thinking I might bear my testimony but I knew I didn’t really have a voice and its been like 20 years since I got up during a testimony meeting. I gave a talk once in Rexburg and then here in Rigby but its not really the same to me. I really do hate getting up in front of people and so when the person got up to end the meeting I was kind of relieved but at the same time, I have been on my own little journey and I have been learning a lot. I do not know anything but there are things that I am coming to believe. Maybe someday I will get up and share what I have been learning.

Anyway, I had every intention to come home and sleep but we had choir practice today after church and even though I cant sing very good, Macy wanted to go. I do like Christmas music but our choir director is a little different and picked a song that no one knew. Its actually in the German hymnbook but not in ours; when we first got to the practice he played the song sung by the tabernacle choir and of course it sounded great but it didn’t go too well when we tried.

Our pianist isn’t confident in herself even though she is super awesome but she did her best. We ended up making copies of the song from the German hymnbook and sang the song counting the beats and he said he was going to try and find the song in the hymnbook form and not the choir form that he brought. Well see what happens the next two or three weeks. Our choir director is very musical talented and sometimes is a little ambitious when it comes to what he wants to sing and I think he needs to tone it down a bit and realize that we all are not that good and we need simple. We will try though.

When I got home, I made the girls some lunch and instead of going to try and get some rest, I worked on our neighbor Christmas gifts. I wanted to deliver some today and we needed to do it earlier because there is a church Christmas devotional tonight and last year, instead of watching it, we were delivering some gifts and it interrupted some people who were watching it, whoops. Maybe this year I can turn in on the TV.

While I was getting everything ready, my husband texted me that he wasn’t feeling great and thought it was coming down with something. I just had to roll my eyes. Literally in the almost 15 years we have been married, each time I have gotten sick or not been feeling good, he will come down or say he is coming down with something. Its like clockwork and so annoying. Anyway, whatever

We had 21 things to deliver today and only 3 of them were not home. I was happy to get so many done and its only the 3^rd of December. I have more people on our list than I have of our particular gift, so I think some people I am going to make some treats and drop them off. Next week we will try and hit up a few people from Rexburg, I like that we still live close enough to keep in touch, even if its only a few times a year.

Anywho, after we got home, the kids really wanted to go out in the snow. So I went into the garage and got the bin full or their stuff. It was a chore to get it out and all ready and on but they went out and had a good time. I listened to some Christmas songs and did the dishes and tried to clean some.

I sorta watched the Christmas devotional, my husband cooked up the burgers and I got everything else ready. Now, I am ready for bed and its only 7:40, it gets dark so early that I am so tired by the time the 7oclock hour rolls around. Sally decided she wanted to take a shower on her own and wash her hair, yay and the older kids are watching a show downstairs. My husband left to go to the school to set up something.

I am not ready for a new week, the weekends seem to go so fast and it didn’t help that I was gone Saturday from 7am to 9pm; but a new week is upon us and there is nothing I can do about it. I hope that I can get up again this week and get dressed and go to the gym, I had an interesting moment this week. I have been trying to eat better and I went to the gym every week day but I tried on three pair of pants that fit Thanksgiving week and they were too small, it was sort of depressing. I am trying to be good and do the things that I need in order to keep healing and what not and then this happens and I have so many thoughts come through my head. I will do my best to push those thoughts away and keep trying my best to keep on going.

This upcoming week is a busy one with dance and singing rehearsals and performances, I kind of like it when it when we have things going on because it keeps me on my toes and not wanting to just lie in bed and do nothing, which is what I normally wish I was doing. So here is to the new week!