Okay, I have been wanting to sit and write out the birth
story of our baby girl but things have been super busy…haha…did I think it
would not be with a 19 month year old and a new born. I go over and over in my head the details of
her birth and I am happy that I am finally able to get it written down.
Everyone I talked to said that each child’s birth experience is different and I
knew that was true but I was not prepared for how different they would be. A
lot of people I talked to as well said that the first was always the hardest
and the second seemed to come easier, so I prepared for that but I think I
might have psyched myself because this experience was much longer, but then much shorter as well…I
will explain as I go!!!
*NOTE* This post is more for me and wanting to remember down
the road the days leading up to and the birth of leading lady; feel free to
skip to the pictures or skip it all!!!
I pretty much had an uncomplicated pregnancy other than the
normal minor side effects at the beginning and being nauseous 24/7 for a bit and
tired, but when it comes down to it, I cannot complain. Everything happened when it should. The baby
seemed to grow even when I did not seem to be showing, every time I went to the
doctor they said I was measuring perfectly and all seemed well. I did have some sciatica pain at times which
was pretty icky but thankfully was not as bad as when I was pregnant with
Teddy. I spent most of the pregnancy
with you feeling like I needed “more time.” More time to get stuff done, more
time to get the house in order, more time to wrap my head around having two
kids, more time to be READY. I would tell people that I would let her bake as
long as she needed but by the last month my mindset shifted and I was ready for
her to get here.
In my last post I mentioned I went to the doctor at 37 weeks…it
was a Tuesday afternoon (April 9th) when I went and he ordered a 24 hour urine
test to be done on Saturday (April 13th )and then turn in on Sunday (April 14th)…then
at my appointment on Monday (April 15th) we would discuss options. That final
week DRUG on and on; we took a family date night on Thursday up to the Orlando
LDS Temple; I had brought Teddy up a few times but that was when he was younger
and now we wanted him to see the beauty and feel the spirit. He is at the age
where he soaks everything in and it ended up being a wonder evening. We had a ward party and campout on Friday
night. I told everyone there that I hoped to have the baby in less than a week
=) Little did I know that that statement would prove to be correct. My dad and
mom were in a band that performed at the campout and I was glad that I was able
to see them in action…finally Saturday came and I had to pee in the hat and
transfer it to the big orange jug all day long. At this point in the pregnancy
I was peeing frequently but the amount was not substantial so it seemed like a
long day. There was an American Mothers luncheon at my parents’ house that I
went to and then that night we had a dinner with some couples that we worked
together at church with. Lucky each place had a spare refrigerator for by big
jug of pee…I was pretty self-conscious about it but hey, that’s okay…I would do
anything if it meant she would be able to come early.
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| Abble, his new favorite thing |
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| Resting on daddy before our family outing!! |
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| Daddy and Son |
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| Jessica and the Trout Lake Band |
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At our friends house on Saturday evening. They had a baby girl two months ago and Teddy LOVED seeing the bebe!! This was waiting at the hospital on Sunday morning |
My husband got home and Teddy woke up; we played some and then I called the hospital around 4pm…they said they were ready and expecting us. It sounded like we could have come earlier but it was okay. We had to go and drop Teddy off at my parents, so it took us a little longer to get there but by 5:30pm we were there and getting things set up. The nurses today were so so so much better than the day before. We got all situated with the paperwork and other information and they got me all set up with the gear and everything. This time they put my IV upper on my arm instead of my wrist and that felt a tad bit better; I am not a fan of IV’s…needles do not bug me but these for some reason did. It was around 6:00pm when we were all hooked up and ready to start. The nurse checked my cervix and I was not dilated at all and I was only 70% effaced; with Teddy I got the hospital at a 3 and over 80% effaced…so I had a feeling we were going to be hunkering down for the long run. Before they could start the Pitocin they had to ripen the cervix so they put some miso paste or something up there to soften it. She started that around 7:00pm and then there was a shift change and when the new nurse checked at 8:00pm I was at a 3 and still 70% effaced; at this time I was happy because I thought things were going to continue to progress but boy was I wrong. Nothing happened the rest of the night. The nurse started me on the Pitocin but the baby would not handle the contractions well and they would stop it and see if I would contract on my own which I did for a little while but it slowed down and it ended up being a LONG LONG night. I brought my ear plugs but it did not help, my husband was snoring so loud; I tried to distract myself and get on his same breathing; I tried to plug my ears with my own fingers as well but my joints hurt so bad, I just laid there and rubbed them. I have a hard time being on my side as well, I know you are not supposed to lie on your back during pregnancy but it was so hard not too…now I was being switched from side to side everyone once in a while to monitor the baby and keep her heart rate from dropping. At one point in the middle of the night, I asked for some ice packs to put on my hands but it did not help. I was happy when the sun started to come in through the cracks in the blinds; dawn had come and it could not have come fast enough. I was ready for this day, because I knew that this day my little lady was going to be born; there was a thought in the back of my head that said it could take longer than this day but I had a peaceful feeling that this was THE DAY!!!
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| Last shot before I got hooked up to all the monitors and everything |
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| Tuesday Morning after the LONG NIGHT...I was able to give a thumbs up...I was content having the epidural and knowing that I would probably meet my baby girl today My mother had been watching Teddy but had an appointment and then wanted to come to the hospital so my friend Kara offered to watch him. I was so grateful for her help; she has a son Teddy’s age and it was his nap time so I hoped he would be a good boy. My sister called and said that she was able to get off of work early and was heading over to the hospital as well. She got there around 2:30 and then my mother got there a little while later. We kinda all just hung around; the epidural seemed to be wearing off but it was an interesting feeling because one of my legs was completely numb but the other I was able to feel a little and move around. I did not know why that was the case but I pushed the button to get a little bit more juice. My dad ended up coming again and he got there around 4:00 or it might have been a little later. The nurse checked again and I was at a 7 still, but she said it might be a 7.5, haha…I will take anything I can get; she checked again at 4:45 and I was at an 8…yay, I decided I was going to push the epidural button again as I thought I was going to need it if I had a few more hours to go…at 5:00pm my mother said we should take some pictures…with Teddy we took so many pictures but this time around we had not taken very many. We took a picture of My mother, Ashlee and I and then a few other ones. My sister posted the picture to instagram at 5:05 and then I had a contraction…we both watched the monitor as the babies heart rate dropped as it had before but this time was different; the nurse came into the room followed by Doctor Winger and he said, no matter where you are at, we are going to have to push this baby out now. Pure adrenaline kicked in and I did not know what to expect. With Teddy I pushed with the nurse for 15 minutes and then we waited, pushed more and then the doctor came in; they had diminished my epidural by 25% last time and so when I pushed with Teddy I could feel the pressure and could feel what I was doing. This time I was filled with complete dread because I had just pushed the juice button and had no feeling in my lower extremities whatsoever. Everything went so fast, they pulled the bed apart and put my legs in the stirrups for me; the doctor got all ready and at 5:09 he checked and told me I was complete and ready. I am not sure if he said that to ease my worry or if I was really complete and ready. He told me to push. I tried to push like I had with Teddy but did not feel like I did good, I was wrong, with that one push, he said I can see the head, so I guess he was correct in telling me I was complete and ready…I pushed a second time and the head was out. The next push he had be stop and push a few times and she was out. I wish I could describe what that moment feels like. It is the perfect mix of joy and relief and love. In that moment I had never felt so full and complete. My little lady was here…Macy Renee Phillips had entered the world 
The pictures throughout the day that my mother sent of Teddy...he loves his Ahme!!!
     
I was in complete shock at how fast everything came
together; I had pushed for a maybe 15-20 seconds total…CRAZY…After being there
for exactly 24 hours, I could not believe all that happened in a matter of 4 minutes
or even less. She looked tiny to me when they pulled her up, she was not
breathing when she came out and was all purple. I could see the doctor flicking
her foot and the nurses rubbing her arms and body…finally she took a breath,
that first breath brought tears to my eyes and I looked over at my husband and
he was balling as well; he did not cry this much with Teddy but the birth of
his daughter brought him and me to the depth of humility. Teddy came out
screaming and they took him and cleaned him off and then laid him on me for a
minute and then took him to do his stats and then gave him to my husband. This
time around after they got her breathing better, they took her and placed her
right on my chest under my gown. During this time the doctor delivered the
placenta and stitched me up from a tear and just did his thing. She was still covered in vernix and it was a
little weird to me but it was nice at the same time. They left her there for
what seemed like an eternity before they took her away to do her stats. They
said they are encouraged to do more mother/baby bonding now and that is why they
do it that way. She weighed in at 7 pounds 4 ounces and 19 inches long. It
seemed crazy to me, because Teddy was 7 pounds 9 ounces and 19 inches long, but
he seemed so much bigger; she just seemed so fragile. After taking her vitals
and stats everyone else got a chance to hold her; she seemed so tiny in my
husband and dads arms. I was so happy that she was here. They took her
temperature again and it was low, so they took her and put her under the light
and she completely relaxed and looked so chill under there. I had a wave of
nausea hit me and I almost passed out; we realized that it had been over 16
hours since I last had a meal and so they brought me some peanut butter and crackers
to take. I did not feel great after that but I could not complain…
   
My family
left to go have some dinner and they prepared me to move to the recovery room.
It took a while to get everything ready and the fact that I just delivered a
baby with practically no feeling in my lower half of my body; it took a while
for the anesthesia to wear off. It finally did and we made it to the other room.
I had the urge to use the restroom so so bad but it would not come; it was very
uncomfortable. They gave me the diaper sized pads to use and also some witch
hazel pads that were really cool. I had not had that with Teddy…they also had
the numbing spray and those all became my friends. I had a few minutes by
myself in the recovery room; before everyone came back. I say by myself but of
course baby girl was with me, but I had time to comprehend what just happened
and what was going to be happening in my life. I felt okay, not amazing by any
means but not horrible either. I could not believe that I was a mother of two
and I was not pregnant anymore. I would reach down and feel my belly and think,
wow…24 hours ago it was big and hard and had a baby in it and now it was all
mushy…haha, not sure of the best word to describe it…I also had feelings of
dread as well, was I going to be able to handle this, were we going to be able
to provide for these children and give them the life they needed. I know that
we are taught that faith and fear cannot coincide but in this moment I had my
fears…this is something that I am going to have to work on; I need more faith,
I need more trust and I need to just realize that if I try my best, that is all
that is asked of me. I kneeled down by
the side of my bed and offered a small prayer, this is something that I have
never been good at; I do not consider myself an overly spiritual person and
sometimes feel like I am not worthy of God’s love but in this moment I could
not deny the love of a God and the miracle that had just occurred. Who can deny
childbirth is a miracle? I was overcome with a sense of contentment; I would not
say peace but I knew that somehow it would all work out.
My family came back and our good friends Porter and Lauren
brought Teddy to the hospital. PJ had taken Teddy around 5:30 and played with
him in the evening. I am so grateful for such good people and their willingness
to help out when needed. It was so precious to see Teddy. My mother brought him
into the room and he saw me and said, mama…and then he saw Macy and said bebe…he
kept saying it over and over again. He came and sat on the bed and he gave her
kisses and tried being soft and patting her arm; that is something that we will
definitely have to work on. They all stayed for a little while and then PJ and
Lauren left and then my husband left with Teddy. We had talked about it and
thought that it would be a good idea for Teddy to be in his own bed as much as
possible and it was nice for my husband to get to spend some time with him as
well. My parents and Ashlee stayed for a little while longer and then they
left, leaving me alone with my sweet baby girl. I had so many emotions that
first night…all ranging from happiness to dread and back…I was grateful to a
loving God to send me such a precious little lady; I felt love that I had not
felt in a long time; not that I have not felt love in my life but there is an
added measure of love that comes with a new child.
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My sweet sister Tiffani sent these beautiful flowers...baby girl was in a cute flower sleeping =)
I looked over and saw her wide eyed and staring at me...such a sweetheart...I AM SO IN LOVE
We love that Aunt Ashlee lives so close and can smother baby girl with LOVE...and she is who she is named after...both their middle names are Renee =)
My husband went
home with Teddy again and baby and I got to snuggle again. They weighed her
again on Wednesday evening and she had dropped to 6 pounds 12 ounces…such a wee
little lady. Thursday morning (April 18th) the pediatrician came in and said
that her bilirubin levels were high and they needed to do a few more tests to
make sure there was not jaundice. They had me give her a little formula to try
and get her levels down; it seemed to work. They came in around 12:30 and drew
some more blood and around 2:00 said her levers were low enough to go home but
I would need to check in at the pediatrician in a few days to check her. It
took a while longer get everything ready for discharge but we were out of there
by 3:30 and on our way home. We stopped by the office to see my parents and
then went to my friend Linnea’s house to get Teddy. She was kind enough to
watch him that afternoon; it was fun to show off our bundle of joy. She has
three girls and a boy and they loved seeing her as well. Teddy was happy to see
the bebe…he loves her already. We got home and kinda just hunkered down for the
evening. Baby girl did not want to sleep in her little sleeper chair thing or
on the bed, so I was fine this first night just holding her. She did pretty
good; I substituted some formula along with breast feeding and think I will
keep that going as long as I can. With Teddy I did not have any milk come in,
so we shall see with her; it seems like I have some stuff there, even if it is
still the colostrum.
So there you have it; there is the birth story and aftermath
of welcoming little Macy Renee into our family. She is a little gem and I am so
in love with her; when I found out I was pregnant I did not know how I could
love something or someone so much, but the moment she was born I was overcome
with love and sometimes I still think to myself why me…why did she choose me?
How am I worthy? Why despite all of my faults and shortcomings am I am blessed
with the family I have. I think I will always feel that way!!!
