Thanksgiving

Hi, it has been a nice week without school and work. This week was a week where I wished we made enough money for me not to work at all, it would be do nice. But really, the opposite is true. My husband thinks that I need to find a full time job to help support our family. He wants me to get my teaching degree, but I have no desire to do that.

I was reading some journal entries a little while ago and when I was in college, I had a break for a semester and I tried to find a job through Kelly Temp Services. The first day that I went in to ask, they said they had a position open that day at an elementary school in town. I subbed in a kindergarten classroom and did not like it at all. I wrote in my journal that I was glad that I had dropped out of the elementary education program. I don’t know, I love being in the background and helping out. I have no desire to be a teacher.

So I am not sure what I am going to do; I keep saying that when Sally goes to middle school in two years, maybe I will…but we do need some more income now, so I feel like I am stuck in a rock and a hard place. I love what I am doing but am feeling pressure to do something else. I hope it will work out for me to do what I like and not something that I do not. Well see.

Teddy was not feeling good on Monday and Tuesday, he was tired and mad because he was stuck downstairs and in his room.

I took my car to the shop on Monday morning and then came home.

Monday, Sally was able to go to a friends house and that was so nice. Macy was also able to play with a friend, so I tried to clean some and get the house in order.

Wednesday the kids had dentist appointment in the morning and then we left around 1:30 to head down to Utah. This was the first time in a long time that I wasn’t the driver; I sat in the middle seat with Macy.

Thursday was Thanksgiving and it was a low-key day, I kept asking my brother and sister in law if I could help them with anything and they kept telling me that they were good.

Dinner was nice, I tried to be mindful and try a little bit of everything and listen to my body. I think I did an okay job.

We left around 5:30 and headed home; my husband had not slept good at their house, so halfway home he got tired and asked if I would drive. I am normally okay with driving but right after I started driving, it started snowing bad and the roads were icy and wet.

I took my time and did not go too fast and we made it home but I white knuckled it the whole way. I was grateful when we pulled up at our house.

Friday morning I had to wake up at 5:15 and take my husband to the hospital. He had surgery today on his nose, to fix his deviated septum. I dropped him off and came home and slept some more. Macy had not slept good last night and so I was still tired.

The doctor called me around 10 and told me he was done and everything went good. I left at 10:30 and picked him up and he just rested throughout the day.

Teddy wanted to play with a friend but I texted over 5 and none of them were home or available; the girls also wanted to play with someone too, but no one was free.

We did clean some and put up our Christmas tree…and I started listening to Christmas music; I have a huge amazon playlist of Christmas songs and I want to listen to ask much as I can.

All day I thought how crazy it was that I was already putting up Christmas stuff, this year went super fast. I hope to enjoy the last month and a little bit.

In the evening, the girls and I stuff the envelopes with our Christmas Cards in them. I was going to wait for a couple of weeks, but then today we got a card in the mail for a family from Florida and I thought it was cool. Their card said Merry Christmas but ours says Happy Holidays, do I think I will get them sent this upcoming week and then ill be all done.

Saturday I got to sleep in a little bit, well sorta. I still got up and got Sally some breakfast and then tried to lie back down again. All three kids were upstairs and loud, so I was in and out. I had kept my phone by me and turned on the sound just in case Sam needed anything. He had texted me all day yesterday whenever he needed something and it wasn’t until 9 that he asked for something this morning.

Teddy was able to go to a friends house today and the girls went over to the neighbors as well. I had to run to Idaho Falls for some things. We needed toilet paper so I went to Sam’s and then ran to Walmart. It was a big shopping day and I did not think I bought that much either. It is so crazy how expensive things are.

I tried to hurry and make it back in case Sam needed anything. He said he had slept some, so that was good.

I did the kids laundry, since I am upstairs with the girls, I always notice when they need their clothes cleaned but I never know when Teddy needs it. I forgot he mentioned it to me during the week, so today it was overflowing. I did two loads for him and one for the girls. I need to do mine too

I was able to buy some brownie mixes at the store today and so I started creating our neighbor gifts. We had ordered some mini serving spatulas and will give that with a brownie mix. I got 15 of the mixes today and then ordered the rest online, and they will get here this upcoming week.

Sunday morning came bright and early, we only 5 more Sunday’s having church at 9:00am…next year we will be meeting at 10:30 and that will be very nice. Sally came into my room early and said her tummy hurt and she didn’t want to go to church. I brushed it off and got her some breakfast and laid back down.

When the alarm rang at 8:15 I did not want to get out of bed. I am normally get ready in plenty of time, so I reset my alarm for 8:25 and got up and we all got ready. I convinced Sally to get dressed; she said she didn’t want to wear a dress, so she wore a jumpsuit and it worked out good.

My husband stayed home, so it was just the kids and me; Teddy rode his scooter and went home after the first hour. If his friend isn’t at church he has a hard time staying for hour two and I wasn’t going to push it. My husband got mad at him for not staying, but he is one that picks and chooses, so whatever.

Singing and class today went okay; I taught the lesson and did not get through everything because the singing time went over a little bit, but I was okay with that.

When we got home I made the kids some lunch and then went and laid down. I really wanted to clean my living room, but I needed to sleep too. I was so tired but I couldn’t fall asleep; my husband came in a little bit later and asked for some lunch. I did not know what to make, but I found something.

I laid back down and this time was able to close my eyes and sleep a little bit. The girls woke me up a little bit later and told me that someone was at the door. A member of our church had stopped by to check on Sam. I was so embarrassed by the way my house looked, I was so mad at myself for wanting to lie down instead of cleaning. But o well

After he left, I decided to finish up some of our neighbor gifts; we were able to drop off 14 of them, one family was out of town. It felt good to get some of them out of the way.

We came home and I started some laundry and then tried to clean some; I feel like that is all I do. I sat on the couch for a minute and looked at an app called timehop; it connects to social media and shows you pictures from years past on the same day. Today it said that it had been 12 years since I met one of my friends from my mission at a ice cream shop in Texas. Teddy was just a baby and I cant believe that its been that long.

I texted my friend and sent her the picture; she and I got talking about how we are doing and what not. I told her about the experience with getting so embarrassed with the person stopping by and how I am having a hard time keeping on top of things and she helped me see that I have been taking care of my whole family this weekend and a messy house does not mean much.

I need to do a better job at getting some help; my spouse does not really help me and that has been a hard hurdle to overcome but I have to pick my battles and that is one that I have decided not to pursue. But I need to teach my kids the importance of helping out and I need help.

We played a few games and I made dinner. While dinner was in the oven, I read a book with Macy; it definitely teaches me patience. We each read a page and we had about 40 pages to read tonight. She has had this book for a while and the she told me that the librarian told her that she needed to bring the book back after thanksgiving break, because there are other students that want to read it.

I did not read a lot of the book with her, but its interesting. Its about dragons and a war and something like that. It had some blood and gore and was just weird. So we finished the first book; I am going to get her the set for Christmas and maybe the next one too. Well see.

The kids might watch a movie tonight, all I really want to do is go in my bed and do nothing, maybe read my book; the kids have absolutely drained me today and I hate the thought of having to get up tomorrow and go to work but I will do it and I will try and be better.

Middle of November

Well, its Saturday but it feels like Sunday; we did not have school on Friday so that felt like my Saturday and today feels like Sunday; but its not. Its weird… but I am happy for an extra day…and we don’t have school next week for Thanksgiving break, so that is nice too.

Ill try my best to recap the week, but it went pretty fast. Monday afternoon my parents came and then stayed the night. Sally had dance and then we just hung around. My mom came to play pickleball with me and Teddy and that was fun. I talked with my mom when we got home, so I didn’t get to bed till late. I slept on Macy’s bed, and I was really cold most of the night. I kept telling myself to get up and go and get another blanket but I just didn’t. Tuesday morning came really bright and early and I wasn’t ready for it.

My parents left in the morning and I laid back down for a little while. I had a meeting with my counselor and it went good or at least I think it did. We tried something different, its kinda like EMDR treatment but more skilled based. For the last week I have felt like crying so many times during the day and then it just wont come. My eyes are always feeling tingly and it feels like there is a flood behind them, it just wont come. For so much of my life, I have tried to push tears away and now I want them to come and they wont. My therapist talked to me about trying to give them permission to come, or not to come. It was interesting. She tried a hand movement exercise with the goal of seeing if my tears would come but alas, they stayed at bay. I feel like a ticking time bomb right now and I wish I would blow and get passed it, but its not working.

Tuesday afternoon Teddy had a wrestling match in Shelly. The girls decided to stay home, so it was just me who went. My husband had a meeting and then went to the girls basketball game at the high school; I had told the girls he would be home but that’s okay. Teddy did pretty good, he got one pin and then got pinned by another kid, so he was 1 for 2…he has a good attitude about it.

Wednesday I don’t really remember; Macy had dance and the girls had singing and dance, that’s about it. Teddy didn’t sleep good Wednesday night he woke up the next morning not feeling good but he had a final in his first class to he had to go to school. I picked him up after his first period and brought him home. Sally ended up staying home from school too; she has been telling me for the last month, like every morning that she feels sick, so I never really know what to think. But since it was the last day of the trimester, I just let her.

Thursday morning I set my alarm on my phone for 8am…there is a grant that I’ve had my eye on that would help families with some finances… so I went to the computer to fill out an application but it wasn’t working, I was getting frustrated until I noticed that it wasn’t open yet. It was changed to 8:30…so at 8:30 I was able to fill it out. Because we made some extra money with online teaching in 2022, I do not think we will qualify for any of the grant money, so dumb. But well see, I know this year, we will not be making as much as last year…I wish we could have let them know that, but whatever.

Thursday night, the girls had their activity days. They usually meet from 5-6, but today, they went to a play at the middle school from 7-8:30. I had my husband drop them off, because I decided to go to the temple. It was nice. I was able to get home in plenty of time to read some and then go and grab the girls. They had a good time.

Friday we did not have school and I did not have work. My husband still had to go into work; but I was glad we didn’t have to. I slept in and was kinda lazy. Sally and Macy both ended up going to a friends house and that was nice. In the morning Sally had made a huge mess in the living room, but I was glad that she was doing that then watching her iPad. When they were gone, I washed their sheets and clothes. I still need to put them away, but at least they are washed.

Teddy still was not feeling the best, but he said he was okay. He had a friend come over, which I probably should not have said yes, but he was so bored. I finished my book that I was reading and decided to go to the library and grab some more. I returned six and got six more. I started a cheesy LDS book that I finished that night; and the rest of the books that I have are kinda darker, or so I think. Well see.

I went to bed around 11:30; I had taken my medication and was reading my scriptures when I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I like when that happens. I have to try and go to sleep right at that time, or the sleepiness passes and its hard for me to go to sleep. So anyway, a little while later, Teddy came up and said he threw up in his room. I was so annoyed; I wish he had thrown up on his bed and I could just put his sheets in the washer. So anyway, I put a pad inside a mask and went down there and guess what, I gagged and heaved so bad. It was nasty. He had town up all over his hot wheels track and it was just gross. I decided to just put it all in a trash bag and decide in the morning if he wanted to keep it or not. He hasn’t played with it for a while, so he probably wont keep it.

So last Sunday night, before I went to bed, I heard Teddy and Sam downstairs making some commotion and then Teddy ran upstairs and said that the tickets for the BYU vs Oklahoma game just dropped and wanted to know if they could go. The tickets at the beginning of the season were like 300 bucks each and they dropped to 37…okay, of course I told them they could go because its been their dream.

So back to Saturday early morning; after Teddy threw up, he said he felt better but then said he didn’t. He had a mild fever and I gave him some medicine and told him to try and sleep. I gave him a bowl, just in case he needed to throw up again. I said a prayer that he would be okay. When I woke up, he and Sam were already gone; so I assumed he was okay. Well, I got a text from Sam that showed a picture of them at the game and then he texted that Teddy wasn’t feeling good and they were going to leave the game early. I felt so bad for my husband because this has been his dream to go to a OU game and against BYU, who is Teddys favorite team.

So that is where I am now; they are heading home from the game and I am trying to figure out what to do for the rest of the day. I got the living room semi cleaned and I do not want to do any more. I will probably start reading another book and just chill. I will update tomorrow about the rest of today and tomorrow.

Well, I didn’t end up reading any from a new book; when the boys got home, I got ready and headed to the store. I first stopped at the DI thrift store, I wanted to see if there was a temple dress there. I found a few but none of them really fit, for now I will just keep renting when I go, its only a dollar. I know my dress here at the house will not fit me for a long time, so well see what I decided to do in the future.

Macy called me like 10 times while I was gone; if I didn’t answer she would leave me a video message. She wanted to take a bath and she also wanted to go bowling. She had asked all day to do something, but I really didn’t want to. On the way home from the store, I had the thought to look up if there were any new movies out. At the theatre in Rexburg, there was a new Trolls movie; this is the third movie in the franchise. I called the girls and asked if they wanted to go and they said yes. So when I got home, I made them a quick snack and we went. They did okay, Sally is still not the best in movies, but it wasn’t horrible. After, I got Sally a pizza and Macy a taco and then we came home.

I took a bath Saturday evening after the girls went to bed. I just laid there in the warm water and doodled on my phone. I normally watch a show or something but I haven’t really been in the mood to watch things. After that I got ready and read some and then went to bed. It took me forever to fall asleep and then Teddy came in my room a little after I fell asleep. He is having a hard time trying to figure out his body and letting it heal from whatever virus or thing that is going on.

I helped him get some medicine and then told him to sit on the couch and try to sleep. I was so tired that I went and laid back down, I should have stayed up to help him but I didn’t. Sunday morning when the alarm rang, I seriously considered turning it off and going back to bed, but I got up and got dressed. My husband decided not to go to church today, he said he had some things he had to do on the baseball field at the high school.

I find it interesting that he had a stronger testimony of the church than I do but he is lax about going to church and helping our family read and pray. I may have issues with some of the things with the church, but I have a belief in God and Jesus Christ and I try and worship on Sundays as we have been asked. It was just me at church today; of course if my husband doesn’t go, than normally Teddy and Sally don’t want to go, but today Teddy was sick and Sally just didn’t want to go. Last night, Macy said if she was sleeping to just let her sleep; before she went to bed, she told me that she didn’t feel good either. She always has an upset tummy and I think she is growing because he legs are hurting too.

Anyway, she was sleeping this morning when I left, but when I got home she was super sad that I didn’t wake her up. Either way, I was glad to have a little break and I was glad that I didn’t have to wrangle Sally.

When I got home, my husband was gone and the kids seemed to be okay. I made some lunch and then decided to lay in my bed; I really wanted sleep but I did not end up going out. I kept telling myself that I needed to get up and clean but I put it off. I am so sick of cleaning and making dinner and being a mom; I know that sounds harsh, its just so hard. I know we are asked to do hard things and this really is not a hard thing, so I need to get over myself.

I made dinner for the family; it was a soup that I think everyone liked; and then we watched a movie. Teddy still is not feeling great, so he went to bed early and well see how late the rest of us stay up. Teddy is not going to his wrestling practice tomorrow morning, so I will be able to sleep in. I do need to make sure and not sleep too late, so that I can maybe be productive. We shall see!!! Here is to a new week and a break from work and school. Yay

Half way Through November

Sunday night we watched the second Harry Potter; it got a little late but we made it to bed by 9:45. Teddy came into my room in the morning and said they he hadn’t slept and was super tired and didn’t think he could make it to school. He rested a lot of the day and I still let him come to play pickleball on Monday night.

Tuesday he went to school and had a wrestling match; my husband was able to go to his match while the girls and I went up to Rexburg. My sister is in town at my brothers house and they invited us to come up for dinner and to play with cousins. My girls had a blast. My sister in law and I also went to the auto shop in town and checked out my check engine light with a little machine. She was able to get the light to go off and we were able to put in some transmission fluid because it said it was low. Well, that is a story in itself.

We borrowed some tools from the store and tried to get the screw off to be able to put in the liquid. We worked on it for a good 15 minutes but it would not budge. My sister in law said a little prayer and a few minutes later a gentleman pulled up; we thought we would ask for help but as he got out of the car, we both felt like he wouldn’t be able to help us. Well, he walked by us and into the store and we kept trying. He then came out and as he passed asked if we needed help. He tried for a good few minutes, and guess what, he did it. He got it loosened and we were able to get what we needed done. It was an answer to prayer and a good example of not judging a book by its cover. We were grateful!

Wednesday was a busy day; Macy had dance and then the girls had singing and dance. The girls school was having a fundraiser at our local Wendy’s where a portion of the sales from 5-9 was given to the school. So we decided to go; well it was packed and we didn’t have too much time, so we ended up going over to our grocery store that has a Dairy Queen inside. I told the girls that I would donate some money to the PTO because they were sad at first that we were not going to Wendy’s. It turned out okay.

Thursday the girls had activity days but that is really all. Its weird because football is over, my husband is home in the evenings. He hasn’t been home for months; it makes my evenings seem long, but I think he is happy to be done.

Friday I was able to get some things cleaned up. Sally went to play with a friend, and stayed there all day. I was so grateful. She and this friend can play together forever and not fight. It is so different compared to the other two friends that come over to our house. I was also happy with a break. I love my kids but sometimes its just nice to have some time alone. Macy had a birthday party and Teddy was at wrestling, so I actually went through my clothes and some bins. I was able to get rid of some stuff and get some pants and shirts from the bins that fit now, thank goodness. I still have a long way to go, and a lot to work through but I can do it.

Saturday morning we had our last primary program practice at the church. The girls and the rest of the kids did pretty good. We had a babysitter come in the afternoon; Teddy went to a friends house, so it was just the girls home. My husband and I ended up going to the temple and then out to eat. We drove two cars because I told a friend that I would play pickleball with her. I had a few minutes after dinner and before I was suppose to meet my friend, so I went to Sam’s club and got a few things. Then I met my friend and we went to play. It was so cool, there is a place in Idaho Falls that is indoor and has 5 courts. There were a lot of people but they had a good system and we rotated pretty fast. I was happy to get out and move.

Sunday went good; my parents came to our ward for the primary program and it went well. We came home and had some lunch and then they left to go back to my brothers house and I took Sally to a birthday party. It was just her and another friend, so it was a small party and I let her decide if she wanted to go on a Sunday or not. Of course she wanted to go and I am glad that we did. It was at a small jump place in Idaho Falls; it went fast and we made it home. I was thinking of reading some from my book but I ended up falling asleep for an hour. We then headed over to my brother’s house to celebrate his daughter’s first birthday.

We had some dinner and then cake; the kids did a pretty good job playing well. The boys watched football and the girls just sat around. I was grateful to be invited. We ended the night watching the third Harry Potter movie and then going to bed.

Its November

Sunday afternoon I really just chilled; I wouldn’t say that I was bored because I normally can keep myself occupied with things, but I am normally always cleaning on Sundays and since I didn’t have that, I didn’t know what to do. I took a bath and just puttered around.

Monday I was able to have my second appointment with my dietitian and it went pretty good. In the last two years she has done some trainings and gone to some seminars that have broadened her horizon and how she helps people. When she first started seeing clients she was mainly focused on intuitive eating and HAES (Health At Every Size) but has since transitioned to more of things that are going on in the body, mainly the nervous system and the vagus nerve. It is an interesting and different approach but right now, I am going to try it and see if it can help me.

Its interesting because since meeting with my counselor again as well, I have noticed that she has been doing some things differently as well. They both seem to be evolving and fine tuning their skills. I met with my counselor on Tuesday and it went good. I am working through a ton of things and its been interesting. One thing we have been focusing on is that of unmet needs and how we need to acknowledge and fill those needs. I am struggling big time right now with my relationships and that is something I am working on as well.

Tuesday was Halloween. After school the girls wants to carve our pumpkins so bad, I am not a huge fan but I said yes. It wasn’t too bad and they really liked it. I am trying to be a better mom and do things with my kids. 

So we didn’t have a plan for trick or treating during the afternoon but it came together in the end. I dropped Macy off to a friend and she went with them. Sally had a friend drop by and she went with them. I picked Teddy up at school and dropped him off at a friends too. I then came home and found Sally and finished with them. We ended the night at a friends house that makes doughnuts for their treats; we have gone to their house the last 5 years and its been a nice tradition. Something that is cool is their son is on a mission and he is serving in the Orlando Mission and is in my hometown right now. Fun connection. Anyway, we picked up Teddy from his friends and came home.

Wednesday Teddy had a wrestling meet but I was not able to go. They are normally on Tuesdays but it got changed because of the holiday. I was sad to not be able to make it, but Macy had dance and then the girls had singing as well. The girls dance studio has moved locations and it’s a good step for the owner, the new space is bigger to allow for growth, but the new location is located on the other end of town. We have been lucky to have it two minutes away for the last 3 years and now it’s a bit further.

Two weeks ago as I was picking up the girls from their singing and dance class, the director came out and said that the girls were having a hard time in class. She had put them next to each other for the performance because she wanted to make it easier on my to get them in the pictures together.  She was very loving about it as we talked with the girls and asked them what they would like to do. Macy said that Sally just doesn’t do anything right and cries and Sally said Macy was being bossy and telling her what to do and she didn’t like it. So, anyway, we talked for a little bit and came up with a solution that we thought would work, but then they wanted to go back to how it was. I sometimes am at a loss as what to do to help them.

I had a stern, but loving talk with them last week and this week about how to act and if they needed help or anything, to talk to the director and she could help. She didn’t come and talk to me, and the girls said they did good. So fingers crossed it will work out and be okay.

Teddy rode the bus home from his match and I picked him up after I grabbed the girls. He said he went 1 for 2 and thinks he did pretty good. I again was sad to miss, but he has a tournament on Saturday that will take most of the day and I will be able to go to that. Sam will not be home until early Saturday morning, so he will be sleeping a lot of the morning. Well see

Thursday was a day where I was triple booked at a few times, but we made it. My husband left in the morning and rode the bus over to Boise for the football game. The game is not until Friday but they wanted to get over there a day early and so they were not rushing the day of the game.

At 5:30, I picked up Teddy at the middle school and then headed with the girls over to their school for a family night. That was supposed to go from 5:30-7, but I needed to leave a littler early. They provided a very small dinner; it was chili and cheese nachos, but they only gave each person like 4 or 5 chips and a little toppings. Sally and her little friend didn’t eat it all and wanted to go into the gym for the activities. Macy went around with two of her friends and it went okay. I am not a huge fan or these nights at the school but the kids seem to like it. I had a activity at the church, and so I was able to get Sally away and home before I left. Macy was able to get a ride home with a friends.

The activity was neat, the women’s organization provided a dinner for the sisters in the ward and we were asked to bring desserts. Well, I ran out of time and was going to run in the store to grab something, but I was already running late and so I didn’t and it was okay, their had plenty. It was a nice evening.

Friday, I had to take Teddy to school for the first time this year. He usually rides with my husband but since he was gone, I had to do it. It was not bad, we left in plenty of time and got there before the rush. I then came home and got ready and went to work a little earlier than I normally do. The day went okay.

After work, I came home and did some work for my dad and then I tried to clean a little. I did a few loads of laundry and got them put away and that was nice. I have tried so hard this week to keep things tidy. It wasn’t perfect but I tried. Today it didn’t take me as long as it normally does to clean, so that was nice.

Teddy had wrestling practice and then went to a friends house; Macy went over to a friends house and Sally had a birthday party. It was nice to have a little break for a few hours. When she got home, she had a few friends come over and it was interesting. She plays okay when its just one or the other but when all three of them get together, they butt heads and its hard. I cant just ask one friend she had to go home, so I decide they both have to go home, and then Sally gets sad if I say friends have to go home. So then they say they will work it out. Both of them are somewhat manipulative and know how to pray on Sally’s weaknesses. So anyway, that was my afternoon.

Another thing that happened had to do with my phone and the iPads. So a couple of weeks ago, something popped up on my phone, like a message about something and I cannot for the life of me remember what it said, but it was right after I did an update on the phone. I was doing something and so I just clicked okay. Then my phone messaging stopped working; I started not receiving some messages and then got some.

My husband told me that when I texted his number it came up as my email. I tried to do troubleshoot from the apple website and it appeared that I could not send from my phone number, just the apple ID. I talked on chat with apple support and then called them, it took forever for them to answer the phone and then I was on with them for over 2 hours doing things that might help. Nothing they did helped, they told me to try and talked with T-Mobile and see if they could help me. The next day I called T-Mobile and same thing, it took forever for them to answer and then an even longer time on the phone trying all different things and nothing worked. The person on the phone suggested that I go into a T-Mobile store.

So the next week I had to run to Idaho Falls to grab a jacket for Teddy and I stopped at the store and they were marginally helpful. He tried one thing and then checked for any updates and there was one available, there hadn’t been an update every time I looked before during the week, but today there was one. The guy at the store told me to do the update and it should work. He also said if it didn’t work, then he really couldn’t help me. He was employed to sell phones and not really helpful with the tech stuff.

I asked him if I should take it to an apple store and he told me that that probably wasn’t the best choice and he would suggest I go to best buy and try the geek squad. I waited in my car forever for the update to download but it took too long and I had to go home before I could go to the other store.

Anyway, I never made it to best buy; I have just been managing using my phone for messaging using my apple ID and then if someone sent a message to my phone number, it would only come to the Ipads. It was super annoying and was just waiting for something to happen before heading to use the geek squad.

Well, back to today, I was sitting on the couch after doing some cleaning and my phone went off and a message came up about my apple ID and something about it being blocked. The messaging on my phone and the ipads stopped working. Its so interesting that something so small and minor can cause so much anxiety. I had been relying on both for my messages and now they were not working.

I have no idea how people lived before cell phones.

Anyway, I almost started crying but just had to shrug it off and try and contact apple support again. I tried to do some google searches to see if there was something that I missed, but everything that I read, I have already tried. I didn’t really want to call, so I opened up a chat and started asking some questions and telling the operator what was going on.

She had me do some of the same things the last person had me do and nothing was working. Then she told me that because of spam, my apple ID was blocked and that is why my phone was not working. She said that as a one time courtesy, they were going to unblock it but that if it happened again, they would probably not be able to do it. I have no idea how this happened in the first place, so I asked her but she beat around the bush and never really told me. She said it was a one time thing and shouldn’t happen again.

Anyway, messaging started working again, and guess what, it fixed the issue I was having in the first place with my messaging from my apple ID and not my phone number. Holy cow, I went from being so anxious to being so grateful.

Our high school football team had the second round of the playoffs game tonight in Boise. We found out on Thursday that our senior quarterback was going to be out because of some weird issues going on with his abdomen or something else, they really could not find what exactly it was but he couldn’t run or play. His younger brother who is a sophomore was the back up and then our freshman quarterback was next. I checked the score sporadically and we were losing 10-0 at half time. I was happy that our defense was doing a good job.  

So I left to pick up Teddy at his friends house and checked the score again and we were winning 14-10 going into the last quarter. When I went in to grab Teddy it was still that same score, but when we got back into the car, the other team had scored. So it was 17-14. I asked Teddy if he wanted to turn on the audio for the game and he said yes. We had 3 minutes to get down the field and score. We got good field placement after the kickoff but it was pulled back because of a penalty. With one minute we were charging down the field and we threw an interception and that ended the game. I was super sad for our boys.

They have been to the championship game the last 4 years and won 3 of 4. I think it we had our starting quarterback, we could have pulled out the win. Anyway, we came home and went to bed.

Teddy had to be at the school at 6:30 Saturday morning, so we got up at 6 and I got him there. He wanted to be a little early. I came home and laid back down, I was super tired. I set my alarm for 9 so I could get up and ready to go to his wrestling tournament. I left the girls home. My husband had rode the bus back after the game last night, they got in at 3am. So he was home sleeping if they needed anything.

It was a hecking long day; there was a tournament bracket for his weight class and he won his first match, lost the second and won the next two. He ended up getting third place. He was not mad or anything but he felt like the kid he lost too, he could have beaten. I am glad he doesn’t take it too personally when he loses, he is out having a good time and I like that. Some kids are beside themselves crying and mad when they lose and some of the parents are crazy too.

I was able to bring my book and read some, so it passed the time okay. I was there from 9:30-4:30…I am not a huge fan of the time wrestling takes, but I think Teddy is growing stronger and he has a good attitude.

The girls had played with fiends while I was gone. My husband said that Sally and her friend had fought a lot. I think she needs to take a break from them. But well see.

I was able to bring Teddy to a friends house for the evening, he has some good friends and I am grateful.

Macy and I have been reading the Harry Potter books and each time we finish a book we said we would watch the movies. Well, we are on the 4^th book but haven’t watched any of the movies, so we decided to watch number 1 tonight. It turned out good, for some reason, I really like them. It’s been fun reading the books too. I think I read the first book when I was 12 or so on out summer vacation while we were driving out west from Florida.

Anyway, it went a little late but that’s okay. I grabbed Teddy from his friends and I finally got to take a bath, I have been wanting to do it for a few days. I stayed up a little late reading my book because right when I was about to leave the tournament today, there was a super big plot twist that I had to find out a little more.

We did not have our normally church today, it was our stake conference and we slept in, well my husband and I did, the kids seemed to be up early even though they went to bed late. It always seems like the days they go to bed early, they wake up late and the days they go to bed late, they wake up early. It was also daylight savings as well, we fall back in November, so we gained an hour. So when Sally asked me for breakfast at 7:30, it was really 8:30, or however that works. I was glad.

I was super lazy most of the day. I finished my book and I did some cleaning. My husband took the kids golfing in the afternoon and I was able to get some laundry put away and start on dinner. I made a new recipe today; it was a sausage and spinach tomato soup. I hope that they like it.

Today while I was making dinner, I had a serious longing to go back to treatment at Center for Change, it was a fleeting thought, but I so wanted to be somewhere, where I could have my meals handed to me, talk to a therapist daily if I needed and a dietitian face to face. Now, I am nowhere near needing to go to treatment, I am working through my things here…I meet with my therapist here every two weeks and its going pretty good. I miss the structure of inpatient treatment and sometimes wish I could go back for a little bit. But this is my life now, I just hate making dinner.

I was glad that I didn’t push that thought away today, sometimes I get mad at myself for feelings that I have but I am trying to welcome them, feel them and move on. That is what I am doing. I have a semi cleaned house and dinner on the stove. I am not as much as a failure as I feel like I am sometimes. I mail fail at somethings, but that doesn’t mean my life is a failure and that is where I will continue on from.

Here’s to a new week!!!