August is Coming to a Close Soon

This turned into a really long post!!! I finished the post on Sunday but wasn’t able to post it until today, Tuesday. My husband was using the computer getting ready for work and I just didn’t find the time. 😊

Monday, I woke up and wasn’t feeling great; my head and tummy hurt, and I didn’t know why. I took Teddy to his speed and agility class and then came home and tried to lay back down but I couldn’t go out. I picked him up an hour later and crashed. I know I should have been more productive, but I was beat. I just don’t know why I am so tired. I am not sleeping as good as I have the last few years, it’s like I am a baby going through a sleep regression, it just sucks.

So Macy was invited to a friend’s house, she didn’t know if she wanted to go but she decided to go but asked me to make sure it wasn’t too long. I got up around noon and got ready and took her down to Idaho Falls. I dropped her off at 1 and told her I would be back at 4. Normally the friend calls and asks her to stay longer and it seems like Macy wants to but then I pick her up later and she says she really didn’t want to. We had a few things going on in the evening, so I told her friend I had to grab her earlier than she wanted.

After dropping her off, I went to a few stores. I needed a few new shirts for work. I stopped a the thrift store Uptown Cheapskates and was able to find three shirts. I went to Sam’s Club and had to get a lot of essentials, it always ends up costing more than I want to spend but that’s okay. I ended up also going to Goodwill and found a few things as well. I wish I had money to spend at nicer places but I don’t. I also do not like where my body is at the moment, so I really don’t want to spend money on clothes that I hope I wont be in for much longer. I am annoyed that in 2021, I lost 100 pounds and got rid of all my large clothes, and now I wish I still had some of those. I have my smaller clothes in a bin at the house. A while ago, I got rid of all my super sick clothes and that was hard because I wish I was skinny again, but I have to come to terms with the fact that I will probably always be in a larger body if I am not anorexic and sick. So anyway, I came home and left again to pick up Macy. She said she was glad I picked her up when I did.

I came home and cooked two dinners. I made one for a neighbor that had twins about a month ago. She is such a great mom but I saw them at the fair last week and she looked tired but good too…she was appreciative and I was glad to help out. I made dinner for my family too. The last two weeks I have subbed for a friend who is part of a pickleball league; she gave me their number and I texted that I would like to sub again if there ever was a need and they said they needed someone for Monday night. Yay. My tummy still wasn’t 100% but I really wanted to play. The girls had another movie night at a different friend, so I was able to find them a ride and then play and be done in time to pick them up. I am grateful for good friends.

Tuesday morning, I was feeling better. I took Teddy to a hip and mobility class and then dropped him off at a friends and went to the temple. I have missed the solace of the temple, but it took me a long time to go. I think its something I will keep doing. Sally was able to play with a friend today and Macy stayed home. She got a little board and she doesn’t like to be home alone, but she did fine. She rode her bike to the store and got some candy. She had her own debit card now and can just go and do it. The store is on the same road we live on just closer into town. I trust her and it gets her out of the house.

Tuesday evening we had back to school. Teddy went with some friends to the middle school and I took the girls to meet their teachers. They both are going to have two teachers this year like they had last year. Sally gets one of the same teachers from last year and I think that will help her. I talked to the principal about what we can do to help Sally. I have been waiting for his email back to me and he said he sent something but it went to my spam. I was so annoyed but that’s okay. I also called the Health Center today because its been two weeks since I did the intake packet online and I set up an appointment for September 12. Fingers crossed we can get her some help. I believe all my family could benefit from some help; but well see.

Wednesday was an interesting day. I had a dental procedure in the morning, but before that I took Teddy to his class in the morning and he asked if he could play with a friend after but the friend wasn’t available until the afternoon, and then they never texted in the afternoon either so he ended up playing with another friend and his little brother. I am grateful for friends. Sally and Macy were able to go over to a friends house too. I got to my appointment about 15 minutes early, but they were ready and took me right back. I was getting a gingiva/gum graft because of some receding gums. I didn’t go to the dentist for a long time because I knew my gums were bad, but once I finally went, I committed to taking care of it. I took some ibuprofen and they got started. I was numb of course, they took some tissue form the roof of my mouth and stitched it to the bad areas on the front two teeth and some side teeth. I was okay during the procedure; I didn’t love leaving with a numb mouth but it was okay. Later that day, when the numbness and paid medication had wore off, it hurt pretty bad. I took some more medication and tried to rest.

I had to try and sleep not completely lying down, I started in bed propped up on a pillow but ended up sliding down, o well. I did not sleep great. I am having such a hard time falling asleep, its like my medication just stopped working. I am going to have to figure it out because I need sleep and am not a happy person when I am tired and I am tired all the time right now. So anyway, Thursday morning came early and for some reason the kids were up at the crack of dawn. I tried to keep sleeping but to no avail. I got up and did some cleaning. Sally was able to go to a friends house again and Teddy played with someone too. That left Macy again. She went to the park and played football with Teddy for a little bit but came home not too happy. I had a webinar from 12-1 and it was cool. It was put on by a lady from Center for Change, she is the director of experiential therapies and teaches yoga and another class called RIMBA. This stands for reconnecting intuitive movement with balanced awareness. It was one of my favorite things to do at CFC. It was really just dancing but in an intuitive way; and I cannot dance for the life of me, but I tried.

After the webinar my mouth was hurting so I got some medication and laid down for a little rest. I was not able to sleep but I tried to relax. I had leave around 2:40 to head to my counseling session in Rexburg. It was an interesting appointment. I haven’t really eaten a lot the last two days because of my mouth and with my history of starvation, my therapist is worried. To be honest, I wish I never had to eat again. It is not something that I love and it takes all I have to put off the eating disorder thoughts and just eat the food. My counselor and I talked today about taking a different approach to healing this time around. I need to dig deep and work through my issues head on.

She asked me if I would be interested in meeting with a dietitian again and I said possibly. I know that my dietitian that I had went on an extended maternity leave and hasn’t seen patients in two years. My therapist said that she might be seeing a few people and to check and see. When I got home I texted her and she said she is but has a waiting list; I don’t know what to do. I would love to see a dietitian again but I do not know if it is going to work out. She said she would put me on the list and also send me a list of other possible dietitians. I don’t really want to work with someone new, I need to figure it all out. I have tools that I gained in the past, I am just having a hard time connecting with them. My brain and body feel such a disconnect and that is what I need to work on. I have a lot I could write, but this blog wasn’t created to write about my problems, even though I share a lot anyway. I have a little black book by my nightstand that will hold all my deep feelings. And I will want it burned if something happens to me.

So while I was gone to my session, Macy was able to ride her bike to the city park and there was some people there from the fire department. They brought a few of the trucks and sprayed the kids down. Im glad she had somewhere to go. On my way home I picked up Sally and we then got ready for her football practice. It did not go very well. I dropped her off and waited with her for a good twenty minutes. She was nervous and kept looking at me like she was going to cry. But she seemed to hold it together and I had to leave to take Macy to her practice. I dropped Macy off and went back. I pulled up to the school and could not see Sally out with the team. I then saw her with the coach’s wife, and she was crying. She brought her to me and then left. I asked Sally what was wrong and at first she didn’t tell me but then she said her legs had gotten wobbly and she didn’t know what to do, so she started crying. I told her that it was okay, but she just kept crying. 4 years ago she had tried soccer and it was horrible. I thought she was over it and she did okay in softball this year, but I am not sure this is going to be good. She told me she feels like a failure and I hate that she feels that way. I tried to tell her that it was okay and she didn’t have to do anything she didn’t want to do. But she said she wants to do it, but she is scared. So well see, she asked if her dad could work with her and I told her we would ask. I texted the coach and just told them we were going to work through her anxiety and hopefully it turns out okay. They have their first game on Saturday and fingers crossed it is okay.

I took the time to make a dinner for my family tonight. It was a shepard’s pie and guess what. Nobody liked it, story of my life. I would so have not made it if I knew they would not eat it. Last time I made it, it got downed, so I don’t know. Sam ended up having pizza at the school tonight, so he wasn’t hungry when he got home, I was a little upset that I had taken over an hour and a half to make a meal, and it will go to waste. But whatever. Meals are the hardest for me right now; I wish I had the finances to get the best food or do meal prep stuff but we don’t. So I will keep doing what I am doing.

I got a text from my husband Thursday evening that said he had talked to the coach of the varsity team about doing a team meal for the coaches after the game on Friday; it was last minute but they thought we could pull it off and wanted me to spear head it. So I decided on a meal and got a list going. I messaged people on the group chat and text and was able to get some responses. I do not love to be the person in charge, and a lot of the wives of the coaches have no idea who I am, so it was hard, but I tried.

Friday was a busy day; Teddy had his orientation at the middle school and he wanted me to take him but I had a training at the elementary school at the same time. Lucky my husband was able to get out of a meeting at the high school and take him. The girls had a day camp for church that started while I was gone, so I had them ride their bikes to the church. My meetings went okay, one was a nurses training and the other was with the paraprofessionals and we just talked logistics and housekeeping items. I talked to my sister in law about timing and what she needed from me. After, I picked up Teddy at the high school and then went and checked on the girls. They seemed to have a good time. We made it home by 12:30. I then started a list of school supplies for Teddy and finalized what I would need to get for the coaches dinner. I went to the store and got what we needed and got home just in time to take Teddy to his practice.

Around 6 we headed to the high school for the football game. We found our seats and they are not anywhere near people I know but that’s okay. Sally had a hard time waiting for it to start but she made it. We made it a few minutes into the game and it started to sprinkle. The day had been a hot one, so were all wearing shorts and a short sleeved shirt. Then all of the sudden the heavens opened and it started to downpour. There was lightning, so they emptied the stadium and asked everyone to go sit in their cars. We ended up going into my husbands classroom and we waited for an hour.

Side note, I got some new tennis shoes on amazon for cheap, I follow a group on facebook that posts about deals and I was able to get them for half off. But they are white and I have never really gotten white shoes before because they get dirty easy. Well, I got them in the mail today and I ended up wearing them to the game. I had tried them on and they were comfortable so I just kept time on. I was mad about the rain, because that meant some mud. I tried to walk delicately but got a little bit on them, I was not happy, but o well.

We were able to continue the game after an hour and we did so bad. We were playing a 6A school from Utah and they were good. After the game, I went into the portables and got everything ready for the meal. We did not start eating until 11:45, so late. But it all turned out okay. I took the kids home about 12:30 and got them to bed by 12:45. I am not sure what time I was able to go out, but it was past 1.

Saturday morning we had to wake up a little after 7, Sally’s football game was at 8. She did not cry but did not really end up doing much. She went in for a few plays but really just stood there. The coach did not do a good job of rotating people in and definitely favored a few players. I felt bad for the couple sitting next to me, their son wanted to play and didn’t get a lot of time on the field, while Sally was content sitting on the sidelines and just watching. I was proud of her for at least being there and not crying. They ended up losing 7-0, so not too bad.

We had thirty minutes between Sally and Macy’s game so I took the girls to maverick and let them pick out a drink. They picked smoothies and that was better than soda and candy. Macy’s game went well, they won 22-0. Macy’s coach did a good job of switching out players and giving each girl an opportunity to get reps in. I think she liked playing too. So Teddys game was suppose to start before Macys ended, but the game before his went long, so we were able to make it to his full game. Three players on Macys team have brothers that play with Teddy, so that is nice. So anyway, Teddys team did not do well during the first quarter but then they turned it on. They ended up with 4 touchdowns and 4 extra points, so the end score was 32-0. Once their team got into a groove, they did well. It started to sprinkle again at the end of the game and by the time it ended it was pouring. We huddled under the bleachers while the boys shook hands and then ran to the car. It was crazy because when we left at 7:30 it was cold, then it got super hot and then cold again, it was nice to get home.

I had to do a quick clean up because at 2 my primary class came over for some ice cream. We have been working hard on being reverent at church and I created a rewards chart in the spring. It took us a good 4 months, but we earned the party. We have 10 kinds in the class and 8 of them were able to come. I was only going to do 30 minutes but told the parents an hour. We made it and it went good.

Later, Teddy was able to go to an end of summer party and I took Macy to a wedding reception. I am still not able to eat well, I have gotten some protein drinks and try to have some yogurt when I feel hungry but I don’t like the feeling of eating. I hope that next week I will start feeling better.

I forgot about my primary lesson for today, so I stayed up kinda late doing that. Sunday morning came early. Sally came in and said her tummy hurt, and I just thought to myself, and so it begins. She is going to be doing this a lot more with school starting and I gotta be firm. Teddy was awake when I got up buy Macy was not. I had Sally go wake up her dad, but she told him she wasn’t going, so he said he wanted to sleep so she didn’t have to go and he would stay with her. I woke up Macy and she was tired too. She has been complaining about a back ache, so I told her she could stay too. She likes church, so she was a little sad but I was fine with going with just Teddy and myself today.

I felt bad for him though because his best friend was not there and he has a hard time when he is not there. We also had a mission farewell today, so the place was packed. It took an additional 10 or so minutes for the boys to pass the sacrament to everyone but it went okay. Singing time and class went okay too. I was glad to come home and rest. I was super tired. I should have cleaned my living room, but o well. I tried to sleep but I just laid there. Macy asked me 50 times if I could play a card game with her and finally I said yes, but I stayed in bed.  

Sunday evening Macy and I went up to Rexburg for the viewing of my sister-in-law father. He was only 79 I think but he looked so much older, in the last couple of years he has not been in the best health and his body went through such a transformation. He lost so much weight, but he fought until the very end. It was a pleasure to have met and known him  All eight of her siblings were there and it was very special.

Middle of August

So my husband really wants me to get a full time job so I can help provide more for our family. I have really enjoyed my job the last three years. But Monday morning me and a few ladies were called into the school to discuss what was happening this year. So kindergarten and second grade do not qualify for any aids this school year; so my job went poof. Enrollment throughout the district is down and we do not have enough kids signed up for the immersion program. So there were five ladies that went into meet with the principal. Two of the kindergarten paras will move over to first grade, one was offered a position as a title para and then there was me and another lady left. The principal told us that we could split a para job in the sped department (special education). Now this was what I was helping out doing at the end of last year and it was not my favorite, so I have a decision to make. I left the school feeling kinda sad. I have been so spoiled the last three years and it just stinks that something that I love doing, I cant do anymore. And I also feel bad for the other ladies as well as the teachers who rely so heavily on their paraprofessionals for help. So we shall see.

So after I got home on Monday, I started looking at my resume and did a few changes and then started looking for some different jobs. I read about data entry and thought that might be a good choice. There is a lady in our ward that encouraged me to find out more information about HR. So I have been doing that but it seems like a lot of work. She said that I was outgoing and very personable and would do well, so I will keep that in the back of my mind. I went onto linked in and updated my information and tried looking at jobs in and near Rigby or remote. So I went down a rabbit hole and spent a lot of time on different websites and looking at different jobs. I submitted my resume at a few different places and that was it.

So Tuesday Morning Sam, Teddy and I decided to go down to Idaho Falls and go to the temple to do baptisms. I haven’t been to the temple in 5 years and wanted to start and work my way up. We got down there in plenty of time for our appointment and were walking up to the doors when Sam realized his recommend was expired. So he waited for me and Teddy to go. It ended up being very peaceful and we were able to find some of our own names. Family search has made it easy for us to do it. So after we went to eat and then came home. I had a hair appointment in the afternoon and I am very happy to have it done. Macy had her first flag football practice on Tuesday evening and she liked it. I hope she will continue to do so.

Tuesday afternoon, Sally wanted to set up the tent in the backyard. I really didn’t know how to do it, so I told her that we would have to wait until her dad got home. But it turns out that he wasn’t going to be home until really late because of some football stuff. So I went out and tried to get it set up. I think I did it good and the girls ended up sleeping out there. They went to bed around 10 and I think they said they woke up at 6:30, so they slept okay. I am glad that I was able to help them.

So Wednesday morning I met some ladies at the church to play pickleball, it was nice. When I got home, I got a text message from a phone number that told me they had received my resume and wanted to meet with my on Microsoft teams for an interview. It was for a data entry job that was too good to be true. I did the interview through my phone and it seemed legit but something seemed off as well. They said they wanted to give me a chance and would send an offer letter in the morning. I went to play pickleball again in the afternoon and then came home and had a bad feeling about how the interaction with the person I had talked to earlier. I talked to a friend at pickleball and she suggested I call the company in the morning to check and see.

Wednesday morning after pickleball I took Teddy to the middle school for registration. We met up with two other friends. He had some classes with some friends but he was a little sad that he didn’t have more. He is really worried that he is going to have some classes with some kids from Harwood that he doesn’t really like. I told him it was going to be okay. He was able to get a locker by his friends and found out that his lunch is with all of the 6^th graders and so that will be good. He was able to learn how to use a combination lock and get it open and then on his locker. I hope that he will have a good year.

Thursday morning I got up and checked my email and there was an offer letter from the company, but something was a little fishy, the logo for the company at the top of the letter was cut off and did not seem legit and then I confirmed with the company after calling them that it was a scam. I was totally bummed, but I was glad I went with my intuition and did not pursue the scammers. I blocked the guy on teams and then just left it. I did not give out any personal information besides what was on the resume (name, email and address). I am glad I listened and did not get fully scammed. I hate that there are so many people out there that want to cause harm. I have much to be grateful for.

Thursday afternoon I had another session with my therapist; it was the second have of an intake session and we talked about some things. I wont go into much detail but I have a lot going on right now and I need some help processing it. I am also combating some serious eating disorder thoughts, I know that I am six years out of treatment and my road to recovery has been nothing but all over the place but I am so sick of where I am at; I am working on the medicine from my sister in laws brother and trying to figure out of it is really curing my hunger or if I have thoughts to starve like I have in the past. I honestly hate food and wish I never had to eat again. I know that will never happen so I have to change my mindset and do better. She suggested that I try and meet with a dietitian again, so well see. I want to believe that I can do it on my own, but I think it would help. So we shall see.

We had a ward party on Thursday evening and it was a little overcast and sprinkled a little bit but it ended up being okay. I brought a dessert and they had chicken and other sides. I tried to talk to people but Sally was being so hard. She is seriously regressing so bad; actually both girls are. I hope in a week when school starts, it will get better. I talked to the pediatrician and am moving forward with some psychological testing for her through a health center in Idaho Falls, but it is taking longer than I anticipated to get her in. I did an intake screening and am just waiting for them to get back to me. So I talked to a lady in our ward that works for the school district and she told me about some things I could do within the school to get her some help; so hopefully I can get that ball rolling.

Friday I took the girls to kid day at the county fair we went around 10:30; there is a lady who has been doing a fun thing for the kids of our town for the last 5 or so years. She creates a passport of different stores and shops around town and the kids go to the stores and get a stamp. Then on kid day we bring the completed passport to the fair and they get to spin a wheel for a prize as well as putting in a ticket for a raffle. So we turned that in and spined the wheel but this year we did not get a good prize but I think they had fun. We also got a ticket to put into a raffle. The only catch is you have to come back at 5:15 and be present when they pull the tickets for the prizes. Macy put her ticket in for a Nintendo switch and it took Sally a while to decide but she put her ticket in for a little pink drawing pad. 

We went home about noon. Sam and Teddy were gone to Montana for the high school football games. I did some laundry and cleaned some downstairs and tried to get upstairs nice but it didn’t go to well; I promised my parents that I was going to keep it up but I haven’t done the best job. I am trying though, blah. Anyway, at 5 we went back to the fair and guess what. Sally’s name was called for the raffle for the drawing pad, she was so excited. But Macy was sad because she didn’t get the switch, but I bet there were so many more kids that wanted that than the drawing pad, so o well.

Friday night we went over to a friends house and did a backyard movie. It ended up being really nice to get out of the house. The movie was sing 2 and we have seen it a ton and by the end, most of the kids were playing in the backyard than watching, but it was okay.

Saturday we woke up and ended up going over to my brothers house. His father-in-law has not been doing well and has been on life support. They were going to pull the plug around 3; so they went to the hospital to be with him and his wife’s siblings. They took the baby with them, but we went and played with the older 4 kids. My girls loved playing with cousins. My nephew who is 17 was there too. 

We had something planned as a family from 4-6, so we left and met Sam and Teddy at the BYU-Idaho ropes course. The girls were just tall enough to do it and it was an interesting experience. Teddy got it right away but the girls were hot and cold. Sam and I had to be with the girls each step along the way and it turned out to be a learning experience for them. I am sad that we didn't get a family picture, but got some individual...My hands hurt today but its okay. We went back to my brothers house until around 8 and then came home. I took a bath and it felt good.

Sunday, Teddy and Sam went to a missionary fairwell so it was just the girls and I at church. It went good. We found out that Sally’s teachers might be her teachers for much longer, and we are pretty sad about that. But there is nothing that we can do when people get new callings, its always hard but its life. I needed the bishop to sign a paper so we waited a few minutes after church, but he was busy. So I took the girls home and then went back. I talked with a sweet girl and then waited and got my information signed. I wasn’t feeling good after coming home but I had told my brother that I wanted to come up and help them clean. They had gone on a vacation and came back when his father law went into the hospital, so also of their bags were still packed and I wanted to help out. He texted this morning that his father in law had passed away this morning and they were going to be home instead of at the hospital. I still wanted to help but he said it wouldn’t be a good day today; so I hope they will let me come this week and see what I can do.

My sister-in-law’s dad was a spiritual giant and she loved and adored him. I know its going to be hard on her; she is strong though and will get through it. Her dad was always so kind to me and my kids; he will be missed.

This upcoming week is going to be busy; its our last full week of summer and I just cannot believe it. I got a text from the principal on Friday telling me that an overflow paraprofessional job in kindergarten opened up and asked if I wanted it. I said yes, so well see what happens. I think my kids need to go back to school, they need a routine and to not be around each other so much. I hope it can help them, they need help and I am at a loss at what to do. They hate each other and it makes me so sad; I am trying to help up but its hard. I need to do better.

Almost Halfway thru August

It wont be a long update this week. The girls had a singing and dance camp this week and that was nice to get them out of the house. It was each day for two hours and on Friday they did a little performance for parents and siblings. It turned out cute.

Monday afternoon I got a call from a lady who I play pickleball with and she said she joined a league but was unable to make it and asked if I could sub for her. It was from 8:30-10:00. I went and boy, it was great. There were three courts going on at the same time and we switched courts and partners and I really enjoyed it. I hope I will be able to do it again.

So, after my doctors appointment a few weeks ago, I passed my counseling place that I went to after coming home from Center for Change. I had a thought that it would be really nice to speak to her again. So I called and they said she was pretty booked up but I could get on her cancellation list. Well a few days later, they called and said she had a cancellation and would I want it. I said yes. So Tuesday morning I was able to meet with my counselor and it went good. It was an intake session, so we just went through questionnaires and what not. I hope that she will be able to help me work through some thoughts and feelings that I am having and help me in my little funk.

Wednesday afternoon Sam had an appointment with an ENT in Idaho Falls. We determined that it would be necessary to get his deviated septum fixed. We do not know when that will take place but at least the ball is rolling. I was able to play pickleball on Wednesday and it was great.

Thursday I had my dentist appointment; it went as well as it could. He was able to get my amalgam filling changed to resin. He said that there had been more decay under the filling than he first thought but it seemed like everything was good. I was grateful for that.

Teddy got invited to go to the lake with a friend. They have a super awesome boat. Teddy got to wake surf and a few other things. I am glad that he got to go.

So me and the glucose monitor just do not mesh. After that first night, I got the second one put on and it worked great for two days and then I was putting on my bra and it took it off, so dumb. I had to wait 4 more days for the new one to get here and then it worked for three days and last night, I was being so careful, but it separated from my arm again and I couldn’t get readings. So, I do not think I am going to get any more.

Saturday morning Macy left with a friend, and she is going to have her first sleepover. I wish that it had been Friday to Saturday so she could have made it to church but its okay. Saturday for lunch we headed to the high school for a family BBQ, there were a ton of people there, but it was cool. The rest of the day, I cleaned and read and worked on my lesson.

Sunday morning came bright and early; church today was good. It was interesting only having two kids with us, it actually went more smoothly. Sally still has a hard time with going to class, she embarrasses me so bad and I really need to figure her out, but for now, we will keep trying. I had to teach today; it went okay. Our class for the last couple of months has been working towards a ice cream party. We have had a hard time with reverence, and they have been working hard to be better. They earned their party and it will be on the 26^th. I hope they can keep it up. This is the 4^th year teaching the same kids and I think they are getting a little tired of me and I think after this year, I will be ready for a change too. The only problem is, I do not want a different calling. I want to do nothing…so we shall see what happens.

So there you have it; that was our week!!! We have two weeks until school starts and I am so not ready. Tomorrow I have a meeting at the school with a few other para’s, we shall see what they say.

Its August

I cannot believe that it is August and we only have a little bit before school and work starts back up. I am not ready at all and its just not cool. This week happened to be the longest and fastest; I am beat and just plain tired. I am getting rest at night, but my tiredness is an exhaustion that sleep cannot help. I will be okay and I will keep waking up and trying.

So Monday morning I took Teddy to his speed class and then I went to play pickleball; there were a few ladies from work that were getting together and it was great. Well, I did go after a ball and fall over and my side hurts like hades but I still had a nice time. While I was playing my husband texted and asked if I would be able to take him to the baseball fields; I told him I wouldn’t be able to and asked if he could find a ride. He did and then told me he would tell me when he was done.

Teddy went home with a friend from his class and then Macy went to lunch at the school and then to a friends house. Around 11:30, Sally asked if she could have a friend over and the mom said yes. She was planning on coming over at 1:00. So Sally and I start to clean her room; we really needed to go through some things and get it better organized. Well we got a little bit done but Sam called from the high school and said he was done. We left to go get him. We picked him up and halfway home he told me that he wasn’t feeling well; he said he was not anle to breath and was dying, and I needed to call 911. I got home and reassessed what was going on; he can be a wuss and overexaggerate things when he is sick, so I really did not want to call for help. He insisted, so I called 911. I told the operator what was going on and she said that she would send some help.

Sally was in the car with us and was a little freaked out but her friend showed up and I asked if she could go to their house instead of her friend coming to ours. They left and a cop showed up; asked some questions and I went and got his medication to tell them what he was on. The EMT’s showed up and took some vitals. Rigby doesn’t have an ambulance but we do have a central fire department that has some EMT’s; so that is who came out to our house. By this time, he still was not feeling good but his vitals seemed to be okay. So they said it was probably heat exhaustion and dehydration and he would need some fluids. They gave him so oxygen and asked if I wanted the ambulance to come or if I wanted to take him in. I did not want to pay for an ambulance ride, so I told them to cancel it and I would drive him down to the ER.

They let him keep the oxygen and I drove down to the Idaho Falls Community Hospital; I had to pick between two that were close to each other. I went in and got a wheelchair and went out and got him. We didn’t have to wait too long and they brought him into the triage room. They took more vitals and his blood pressure was really low, 60/20…normal range is 120/80. They ran a line to draw blood and give fluid and then we waited. We got moved to an exam room and they ran some more tests. He tested positive for a respiratory virus called the adenovirus, and I researched it online while he tried to sleep. A lot of the symptoms of the virus were what he had been feeling the last 4 days so it was nice to have a diagnosis. His labs came back okay, but his kidneys and thyroid were off. His oxygen also dipped while he was sleeping and they put him on a nose cannula. The doctor came in and talked with me about his sleep apnea; he told me about an ENT doctor in Idaho Falls that he was going to refer us to. They gave him another bag of fluids and then we busted out.

We got home around 8:30; we picked up the girls on the way home. I am grateful for the friends who kept them all day.  Teddy had practice and got home a little after we got home. He was sent home on oxygen; so we had to call the home health company when we got home to bring out an oxygen concentrator; but they did not answer when we called. So we just thought we would call in the morning when they were open. I got the kids to bed and hopped in the bath, my side was hurting so bad from my fall that morning. A little while after I got in, Sam came up and told me that a guy was going to come over and bring the oxygen stuff; he didn’t get there until 11:45 and stayed well past midnight. I was so tired.

Tuesday morning we had to get up early for a follow-up appointment with our primary care doctor. We got there at 8:30 and waited for a little while and then went back. Sam was still on the oxygen at this time but they determined that he would not need it during the day, only at night with his CPAP machine. They did some labs and said they would call back when they got them in. We stopped at Albertsons for me to grab a prescription.  

I also was able to get a glucose monitor; my sister in law’s brother who has been helping me with the wegovy shot told me about a book about glucose that I ordered and wanted me to get a monitor to see where my blood sugar was at. Right now, I will try anything to get my health under control. I am so off right now that it just sucks. I need to loose weight but it is really hard. I find myself wanting to go back to bad behaviors or starving but I know I cant do it. But this medication is curving my hunger, so I am trying to figure out what is going on. I hope this book and understanding the glucose and blood sugar will help me.

The glucose monitor kept me up a lot of the night; it kept sending my phone messages that my levels were too low. Then it stopped working all together. I called the next morning to see what was wrong and they said if there is a lot of friction and heat on the monitor it will give a false low reading. They got some information from me and said they were going to send another one. I got two of them at the pharmacy so I put the other one on my arm and it worked good for a few days and then while I was changing on Friday, it detached from my arm a little bit and stopped working as well. So well see what happens. I wont get the new one till next week. But the readings that I got on the monitor on Wednesday and Thursday were actually pretty good. So I hope that I can get the new one and read the book and figure it all out.

Wednesday morning; I had an appointment with the periodontist and he confirmed what I already know that I need a gingiva of gum graft for the front two teeth and possibly some side teeth on the bottom. I am game to do what I need to do, but I know it might cost some money. Which is such a sore topic right now, we are drowning, and I am having such a hard time. I am trying my best to keep us afloat and I know that we will be okay, but its just hard. I know the medical bills are going to be piling in and it makes me just so scared. But there is nothing else to do, then to keep putting my feet in front of me and pressing on.

Thursday morning I had to get up early and help my husband out at the baseball field at the high school. He was putting on a camp and needed someone to sign the kids in. He could have done it by himself, but I did it because he asked. He didn’t get the turn out that he wanted but he made the best of it and the weather was overcast, so he felt okay to be outside.

The rest of the week I do not even remember what happened, I went through things at the house, tried to keep up with the housework and wrangled the kids and friends. Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday nights there were some people at church who brought dinner to our family and it was so nice of them. Dinners and providing for my family is the hardest thing for me, so I was grateful for their help. We made it through and now its Sunday evening. I am going to relish in the weeks before everything starts. Its going to be a busy fall and I guess I like it with things going on, so I don’t have to think about things, I just go go go!!! Till next week then!!!