End of March

Well, its been a week…so this week was our spring break; we decided to stay home but at the last minute we decided to go over to Boise. My husband was over there for some baseball games, so the kids really wanted to go. I was on the fence but decided to do it. Last week I mentioned about my car, so it was in the shop, so we took my husbands truck. Ill recap the whole week.

Monday, I had a hair appointment and it took a really long time. The lady put in a ton of  blond and I really like it. While I was leaving their house, I got stuck in the snow, it was deep and I could not get out. Her son had to get out a tractor and pull me out, I was so embarrassed; but I was able to get out and get home. Macy has a friend that wants to play constantly and it sometimes gets to be a lot. I am trying to set boundaries and help Macy do the same. She called me like 4 times and texted a few times while I was getting my hair done and I told her I would touch base when I got home; well she had her mom drive over to our house while I was gone. Macy ended up going to her house. Sam did not want the friend over at our house, but I let them come back later in the day for a little bit. Sometimes I have a hard time saying no.

Tuesday the girls got to go with our neighbors to Idaho Falls to a place called the Artitorium; they did some crafts. I am glad that they were able to get out of the house. Macy had gymnastics and her friend came with us; Sally was able to stay with the neighbor and I was happy about that. Teddy had a friend come over during the day and they had fun, they also had baseball practice that evening. I ended up dropping my car off at the shop on Tuesday night, so they could work on it while I had an extra car at home.

Wednesday I had to wake up early and help Sam get a rental car for his trip. Then I was able to play pickleball; the girls went to a friends house while I was gone. I had a good time; I really like it. Wednesday was the day we decided we were going to go to Boise. I texted my sister in the morning to see if we could stay with them and I did not hear back from her all day; finally late in the evening she responded that they were going to be busy but we could make it work. I was grateful.

Thursday morning Sally had a birthday party and then we left around 2:30. I called my sister but she didn’t call back until we were about 45 minutes to Boise. She wanted to know our plans and if we were going to get a hotel or stay with them. I thought I had already told her we wanted to stay with them, so I was confused and could have gotten a hotel but she said it was okay, she just needed to do some laundry and get some sheets washed. We would have totally been okay with a blow up bed and couch, but she let me take her oldest sons room. She seemed to want more time to clean up and get things ready, so the kids and I decided to try and do something. We went to two bowling places but there were leagues going on. Teddy suggested putt putt golf, so we found a place. It’s a little fun center and we had a good time. We picked up dinner at two places, Macy and I wanted Taco Bell and Teddy and Sally wanted McDonalds. We were going to each at McDonalds but their lobby was closed, so we brought it with us. We made it to my sisters house by 9:30 that night. She had things ready. Sally and I slept in one bed, Macy slept with a cousin and Teddy was on the couch.

Friday morning we just hung out, my sister and her family had plans, so we left around 11:30 to meet up with Sam for lunch; they had chosen chick-fil-a. It was a crazy house; they ended up getting their food and leaving, but the kids and I stayed; they really wanted to spend time with their dad but he was more of a coach this trip than a dad; which is fine. His games was not until 3:30 but we got to the fields at 1:30, just because there was not really anywhere else to go. Teddy had a friend and they plated wiffle ball but the girls didn’t really have anything to do. It was also really cold, I left my big coat at home and I was not happy about it. Luckily, we had a few blankets. The hour and a half before our game, I let girls use my phone and watch something under the blankets. They also had brought their coats and I was happy their had theirs. I had brought my book on the trip but left it at my sisters house, I wish I had had it to read while we waited for our game. It finally started and we got creamed; it was 17-2. Same said that the double header that they had had on Friday were much better games. They won game one on a walk off and lost the second by two points. Maybe it was just me being there, JK… So Friday night, his team was going to the same fun center that we went to the night before. Sam and Teddy did mini gold and laser tag and the girls rode a few rides and we had some dinner. We finished the night doing some arcade games and then went back to my sister’s house.

Saturday morning we woke up early; my sister and her family had to go clean the church and Sam’s game started at 10. We left her house at 9:30, we stopped at a gas station and the kids got some doughnuts. We got to the game during the first inning; the team we were playing was one of the top teams in the state. They were winning 3-0 when we got there. We didn’t have much offence until the 5^th inning where we scored 4 runs and were winning 4-3; the last inning we had an error and then the other team scored two runs, so we lost 5-4; but Sam said he felt good with the way his team played. The team left right after the game to head home, but the kids and I got some lunch, and then went back to my sisters house to pack. We stayed for an hour and then left as well. We made it home and while I am sorta glad, I have mixed feelings.

Today, Sam wasn’t feeling good so he stayed home from church, if I didn’t have a Sunday calling I would have probably stayed home too, but I had to teach today, so I went and brought Macy with me. If Sam doesn’t go, then Teddy and Sally wont go. He has missed a lot recently but  I really do not care. Someone at church asked me if Teddy didn’t like passing the sacrament anymore but I just said he wasn’t feeling good. I will not force my kids to go, just like I wont get mad if my husband doesn’t go as well. So its Sunday afternoon and I am really tired; I might take a nap. I want to read my book and I want to have my house clean. So well see what I decide to do.

I forgot to mention that last Sunday evening, my sister in law made us some peach cobbler and brought it over. My brother in law started looking at my car and thought he could help my get the stuff I needed and help with my bumper and grill. He also told me that I probably needed new tires and a few other things. So when I brought my car in the shop, I let them know what he said and if they needed to fix it, let me know. Well they called my on Wednesday and said that most of those things needed fixing and it would be $1500 bucks to fix it; its crazy. I have had this car for a little over a year and I have had to put over $5000 bucks into it. Its like clockwork, I get one thing fixed and then its another thing; it only  has 70,000 miles, so I thought it would be okay for a while, but its been one thing after another. My aunt has the same car but a year newer and she has over 250,000 miles. I just feel jipped. But I am trying to be positive. So my brother in law helped me figure out what I needed for the bumper and grill and I ordered them. There are 7 different things that I ordered and 6 of  them have come. I am waiting on one more and then he said he would help me get it all on the car. I really hope we have what we need and he can help me. I will be so grateful, I already am. I have much to be grateful for and I am trying to stay  positive.

My kids were not the greatest this weekend. I have having a hard time helping them get along and they just fight constantly. The little one whines and cries over the tiniest things  and its really challenging saying calm and trying to figure out how to help her. Most of the time I am so embarrassed to be with them in public and I most often loose my cool and it just sucks. I feel like I am failing as a parent. I am not ready for spring break to end; I need another week off while my kids go back to school. My living room is full of big boxes of car parts and our suitcases from our trip. Our downstairs is a mess too. When Sam left on Wednesday, I told myself that I was going to clean the house top to bottom and make it  look great, but then we decided to leave and its just horribly messy. I hope this upcoming week, I can get it looking okay. Its just hard, by the time I get off of my school job, I come home and work for my dad and then the kids get home and I am running around, its just a lot. I try and get help, but I do not get a lot. Its all up to me and I guess I just need the motivation to get it all done. I can do it!!!

Bummer

 Well I was happy this week because I knew spring break was coming. I knew if I got through this week, I was going to have 9 days without work and not having to wake up early. This week went pretty fast; and its only Saturday night and I normally write on Sundays but needed to get out some emotions this evening through writing. My car has been giving me issues, the people at the auto shop know me by name and without a doubt I give them a call or go in each month for something new. Well I was planning on bringing it in next Wednesday after my husband leaves out of town because my steering has been off and I probably need a new hose or something. Well this evening, after I got the girls down for bed, I decided to run to the grocery store. I was backing out of the driveway and heard some crunching sounds; I thought I was running over something, so I stopped and pulled forward and backed up again. Turns out the crunching sound was my front bumper and grill getting town apart from my car. I mush have got it caught on the chain link fence or something. I got out of the car and looked at the damage and it is bad, like real bad; I was just dumbfounded and it still hasn’t hit me. I want to ugly cry but nothing is coming out. I am past feeling and that is really hard. I know this is going to cost a boatload of money to get fixed, if it can be fixed at all. I am so shocked and I think I am sad, but I am not feeling anything at this point. Its like I cant catch a break and I don’t know what to do. I have been having a hard time in my personal life with some things and I feel like God is punishing me for my actions. But deep down I know that that is not the case, God did not cause my bumper to fall off, its all my fault but its easier to blame someone else. Anyway, I will have to call the auto place and see what I can do. I hope its fixable because I still owe a lot of money on this car and it would be devastating if it cant be fixed. So there you have it.

Almost Half Way Through!!!

The week seemed to drag on but was fast at the same time. Is that even possible. It was the first time in three weeks that we had a full 5 day school and work week. This week I did not go to the gym; part of me is mad at myself but the other part is okay with it. I stayed away from sweets until Saturday. I had to take Teddy to a friends house that was 30 minutes away. I decided I was going to stop at the soda shop. I really wanted a refresher, which is just crystal light and some syrups, I should have gotten the sugar free syrups but I got the regular.

I was proud of myself for not getting a pretzel or a cookie but when I got home I decided to call one of the families whose kid is in my primary class at church. He has been having a hard time with church and school and his behavior. I thought it would be nice to take him on a little one on one date. His dad said he was excited but when I got there, he was being shy. We finally left and went to dairy queen. I was going to get a non dairy dilly bar, which I wanted to try but I got a mini blizzard and it was actually really tasty and I was okay with it. The time with the kid was interesting, he smeared his ice cream all over and kept putting his hair in it. I tried to help him calm down but he was pretty crazy. I am not sure if I did any good by taking him out, but I wanted the family to know that I cared for him. The whole group of kids were off today in class; this particular boy was very hard to control. I wish that my little outing was going to help him but it didn’t. So we shall see.

So, I had to sub all day on Thursday and that was interesting. It is not something that I like to do; so the secretary at the school knows that I am a last last option. Well she texted me at 7:30 and said she could not find anyone else. It was for the second grade Chinese class; I know the kids because I am with them everyday as a para on the English side. They were okay but not the best. There were a few kids that were just not great. I made it thru the day and was glad when it was over. I taught the kids math and we did some mystery science. The kids liked it because they could talk in English, normally by second grade the kids can only speak Chinese in the classroom. I think it was nice for a break for a day. It felt like the day went forever though since I was there 3.5 hours longer than I normally am, but we made it.

Friday, I played pickleball and it was interesting; we normally have 4-6 people there, but most of the families weren’t available. I was going to bring my girls to help watch some little boys while the parents played, but they did not come; so I left the girls at home. One lady that plays with us, brought her daughter and her husband; im glad we had a few more players but they just beginners; I was still able to have a good time and get my heart rate up and moving. I wish I could play everyday, its so much more enjoyable than going and slamming it at the gym. I know this upcoming week I need to do good. We only have one more week of school before a week off for spring break. I am excited for the break. I wish I was going somewhere and didn’t have to worry about friends but we are sticking around here.

So that’s it; thanks for sticking around!!!

 

 

 

Its March

So my heart is close to being back together, I did not write what happened to make it fall and break, but it was ripped out and its taken a few weeks but I am back on track and doing okay.

Its March, some day crawl by but the weeks seem to fly. We didn’t have school Friday; that was nice. Its been three weeks with 4 days only of school and work and I am not complaining.

I made a determination to do better in many areas of my life. One of them was exercise and eating; it was interesting once I decided to eat better and not junk, how fast the ED thoughts came. The only way to lose weight is to starve and youll look better if you purge your food. Well I am happy because I have no desire to throw up; sometimes I get full fast and the urge to purge is there, but I will not give heed to its voice. My inner voice sucks, it really does. But this week I combated it strongly. I ate two good meals most every day and stayed away from the sweets. I haven’t stepped on the scale in a long time, I think I might sometime soon to gauge how I am doing but for now, I will focus on how I feel.

This week I went to the gym twice. I was planning on more but Wednesday we had a two hour delay for school and work and then Thursday I just decided I needed to sleep. But I did play pickleball twice this week. Wednesday and Friday. I set my watch and have fun; its such a good workout and I love playing. I wish I could do it everyday but ill take any time I can get. I hope that next week I can go to the gym if I feel good and listen to my body.

This week I tried really hard to work on boundaries. Macy has a hard friend; who wants to play constantly and I get a little overwhelmed somedays. There are days when Macy doesn’t want to play but gets coerced into it; she and I have talked that its okay if you do not want to play, you don’t have to. I hate confrontation and this week had to stand my ground and say no. Well see how it goes in the future but for now, I think we are in a better place.

My kids are still having a hard time getting along; I wish that Teddy had a brother but it just wasn’t in the cards for us. I feel bad for him, but life goes on. I sometimes feel like my kids were destined to be only children but somehow made it into our family. Its my goal to try and figure out how to help them.