End of June

This week was interesting.

The plumber was able to come out on Tuesday afternoon and clean out the clog in the drain; it was pretty bad but I am grateful that it is working now. I had the guy also look at our downstairs shower; I think it would cost over 1000 or more to fix it and to make it useable. If we wanted to redo everything it would be over 3000; blah…I would love to get it working, as that is what Sam would like, so we shall see.

Teddy had his last three regular season games this week on Monday and a doubleheader on Wednesday; they held their own for a little bit of all three games but ended up losing them. Its crazy; we lost the first game and then won the next 5 and then lost the last 10. Pretty crazy, we always had one bad inning that messed it all up and our defense just wasn’t that great.

So on the way to Teddy’s game on Wednesday I did a Sam’s Club pick up and then had  like 2 miles to get to the field. There was a lot of traffic and my car started acting up. I looked at the dashboard and noticed the red battery button was lit. I was able to make it to the field for the game but my accelerator was not working well. When I got to the field, I turned the car off and tried to turn it back on but it wouldn’t start. We had three hours of games that evening, so I just decided to let it go and see if it would start after the game. So later, it started and I was able to make it home. When I got off the exit in Rigby, it started acting up again and I was grateful to make it home.

That night, I just could not believe that another thing was wrong in my car; its like clockwork something goes wrong. So Thursday morning, I brought the car into the shop. They are normally a couple weeks out but they were able to get me in. The owners of this particular shop go to our church and they have always taken good care of me. They did not have a loner car available, so I stayed for a little bit and then had them take me home. I was able to get a ride for Macy to her softball game and then my car was actually done in time for me to make it to her game. It was the alternator that was bad; and it was a hefty penny to repair but I was able to set up a payment plan and for that, I am grateful. When I picked up the car; they said that there was one more thing that needed to be fixed and I set up a time in July to bring it in. After that, I pray that I do not have anything else go wrong for a while.

Saturday we were all supposed to head to a family reunion for my husband’s family, but Teddy was asked to play on a Rexburg baseball team for a tournament. He and Sam stayed behind, and I brought the girls. It was in a town about 2 hours south of us. Callan and Karey were there, so that was nice. It was great to meet some of my husband’s family; most of them were descendants of my husband’s great grandparents. I am glad we went, I know Sam’s dad was grateful his family was represented. I wish Sam and Teddy could have gone, but Teddy did really well with the team that he played for. Sam is going to try and get him on this team for next year. We shall see.

Axe and Knife throwing at the reunion!!! I tried it and thought that I would do a good job but it was hard. The gentleman that helped out was so kind. 

I forgot to mention that Friday; Teddy his another over the fence homerun; this fence was even farther that the other one. He is doing so good. After every home run that Sam hit when he was a kid, he went out for alfredo. He wants this tradition to live on for Teddy, well, not necessarily alfredo, but out to eat. I don’t think we will be able to do it every time if he keeps it up, but we went out again on Friday. 

I wish we had enough money to eat out every night; or maybe hire a personal chef because it is so hard for me to find things that everyone likes and don’t get sick of. I have tried some new recipes and some have gone good and some not. My problem becomes spreading out the good meals. I find something they like and I make it too often that they get sick of it. My husband says he’s not a picky eater and normally doesn’t give me too much opinions when I am trying to figure out a menu, but then he becomes opinionated when he doesn’t like something, but o well. I will keep trying.

I tried to go to bed early on Saturday night, but I decided to read a little from my book and then it was past midnight without even realizing it. When the alarm rang this morning I was so tired. I am tired all the time; and its just really hard. Well, Sally came in this morning and said that her tummy and throat hurt; it is hard to know if she is telling the truth. She doesn’t like going to class at church, so sometimes she uses an excuse. I normally take the others and my husband stays home, but I decided to stay home today. I texted my partner teachers and let them know that I wasn’t going to make it and I laid back down and fell asleep. I can literally sleep all day if I wanted to and its so different then who I was before. I think the added weight is making me lazy and just wanting to sleep and lie in bed.

I got up and put dinner in the oven and then read some more. Sally has been using my phone this week because she lost our big iPad. I am trying to not be upset; I have searched out house high and low and I cannot find it. I have tried saying prayers and listening, but it is nowhere. I texted a friend to see if she brought the iPad to her house but haven’t heard back. I am at such a loss. So anyway, I need to get cleaning. I am having such a hard time keeping up. I was able to help Teddy on Friday to get the downstairs and his room cleaned and vacuumed and by the time we were done, I didn’t want to start upstairs.  I sucked it up and had the girls try and help me. They were able to start on their room and I was able to semi get the living room clean. After that, I helped them with their room and then started on the kitchen; its coming along.

The dinner tonight didn’t turn out great; I just do not know how to cook a tender roast. When we were in Utah, we had Sunday dinner with my moms sister and she did a roast and potatoes. It was so good and I really wanted to recreate it, but mine just turn out so bad, blah. The kids didn’t really eat much and I ate a little bit. Sam went golfing this afternoon with the football coach and then he went to the baseball field; so he hasn’t been home to eat, we will see if he likes it.

After dinner we had our ward walk abouts. Once a month for June, July, August, and September there are three of four families that provide a treat for the warm members. We left our house at 6 and got home about 7:45; the kids rode their bikes and I walked; the weather was nice for the first 30 minutes but then got windy and cold. Teddy and Macy went ahead of Sally and myself and Sally got cold and cranky but we made it. We actually got a ride home from a friend and now we are going to get ready for bed. Have I mentioned that I am so grateful that we are out of school and I don’t have work; well of course I have but I will say it again, so so grateful. We have one more week until our reunions start. I cant believe that next week will be July. June has gone so fast. Crazy. My goal for this week is to keep plugging away at things here in my house and I also want to eat better and possibly go to the gym, I need to so bad and I think that I can do it, I just have to it is so much easier to not go, but I have to do something. I am so sick and tired of who I am, I hate that my physical appearance does this to me, but I feel like the most ugly person on the planet. I see other bigger people and think that their faces look pretty and what not, but I feel so hideous; I feel like I look like a boy and it brings back some bad memories. I will get past it, but for now I need it to carry me to change. I did my hair this weekend and that helped some too. Anyway, we got this, I can do it.

 

Halfway Through June

Another week of summer has gone by. This week Teddy started up his speed and agility class again; we had stopped doing it in May because he was too busy but his football coach wanted the players from his team to do two sessions a week. He also asked the instructor if his team could do a private session and he said yes; but its early in the morning. Well, not too early. 8am…during the school year, some of the high school kids went at 6:30 and that’s super early, so I am glad its not then because I have loved sleeping in. Maybe a little too much, but it’s summer and I want to.

Monday was our anniversary; 14 years. Pretty crazy. Teddy was suppose to have a game but it got cancelled, so we were able to go to dinner. We had a darden gift card; so we could go to Longhorn Steakhouse or Olive Garden. Our longhorn is always packed, so we picked Olive Garden; even though we just went there when school got out. It turned out nice; I really wanted to try their mouse cake again and it didn’t disappoint. I know that I need to eat better, but its just hard.

I  was able to go to Macy’s game on Tuesday and she got on base twice. The coach had her play first base one inning and she did not like it. She is still honing in on her skills and catching is one thing that is coming slower than she would like. But she is trying and that is all that matters. Her coaches are more concerned with teaching mechanics and skills than winning and I like that.

I was suppose to play pickleball on Wednesday morning but it didn’t work out; I was bummed because its been a couple week since playing and I haven’t been going to the gym, so this is my only good workout. I really need to play more.

Thursday was a super busy day. First and foremost, it was Sally’s birthday. But before we could do anything for her, Teddy and Macy both had games at 8 am respectively. Sam and Teddy had to leave at 6:45 to head up to Rexburg and Macy, Sally and I left at 7:20 to head down to Idaho Falls. It was super early and we were all a little tired, but we did go to sleep at a decent hour, so it was not too bad. 

After the game, we had an hour to spare before we met Sam and Teddy up in Rexburg for lunch. Sally chose Pizza Pie Café, and it turned out good. We had two boys from Teddys team with us and so Teddy had some buds. After lunch, Sally and I had an hour and a half to spare before going to a movie. So, we went over to the local thrift store and looked around. Sally was able to find a few things and she was happy. We then went to another store where I needed to grab something and then we went to The Little Mermaid; it went pretty good. 

After the movie, we met the others for Teddy’s second baseball game. They didn’t do that good but tried their best. His team this year is not the best; we have a hard time fielding and putting the bat to the ball. His team reminds me of little leaguers, where he is on a different level. Its hard but they are trying their best.

Friday morning was another 8am game for Teddy; after the game we came back to our house for a couple of hours and then went back up for his last game at 3:45; we held our own for a couple of innings and then lost it in the end. It was okay. My friend Paige came to the game for an hour and it was fun to catch up. 20 years ago, when I first went to school at BYU Idaho; her husband was the bishop of our ward and I got close to their family. I actually really liked one of her sons and we hung out a lot, but nothing ever happened past being friends. I use to go with her to some of her kids games and it was full circle with her coming to my kid’s game. Pretty crazy. I am grateful for her and it was great to see her.

Because Teddy’s team lost; they did not play on Saturday; so we were able to be apart of the Stampede parade. The girls got to walk with their softball league and I walked with some members of our ward passing out some flyers for a car show. It turned out cool. The girls went over to a friends house in Idaho Falls in the afternoon. I went shopping and came home; my sister in law came over to visit and we just chatted. She also brought a present for Sally; she is great. My house was a disaster but its okay.

Sunday morning was hard; Teddy was not happy because we left his favorite white Sunday shirt in Utah and he did not like his other one. I went onto the Target app before we left and ordered a new one. The shipping day was not until next week but there was one left at the store, so I got it ordered for pick up. After church, I drove down to Idaho Falls and did a curbside pickup. I got two different sizes. I hope they are okay.

Sunday was also Fathers Day; I had ordered Sam a grill set a while ago and we gave it to him. I don’t know if he liked it but hope he can use it.  Sam chose steak, potatoes and carrots for dinner. It turned out pretty good. He grilled the steaks, but I did everything else, and I was able to get the table cleaned off and we ate as a family. Not sure the last time we did that.

Something that is not good though, is we have a blocked drain in our kitchen. The water does not drain, it just got between the two sinks. It started to get worse the last couple of days and Sunday was horrible. I tried a few do it yourself tricks but nothing helped. We really did not want to have to call a plumber because we are really tight on cash right now, but we finally decided we would need to. So I called one up today and they will be coming tomorrow.

I was able to get my living room clean today; so so happy. And I was able to do 4 loads of laundry and get them put away. I do not know when the last time I did the kids laundry but its been since before we went to Utah for mine; so I think that was for theirs too. I was proud of myself for getting it all put away as well.

This evening Teddy had a game and guess what; he hit his first legit over the fence homerun. It was so cool. His team lost but I was proud of him. We went out to eat to celebrate and I am full but happy for him. 

Walking back into the house this evening was just so nice with a clean and vacuumed floor. There are still a few things that I need to get done, but its coming along. Now I just need to keep it up. I know I can do it and it just makes me feel so much better when its clean.

End of School and Trip to Utah!!!

We finished school on Friday the 2^nd. I cannot believe that it is summer; I have been so ready for a break from work. 

Last day of School!!!

Teddy is done with Elementary School!!!

Saturday morning the girls had their piano recital and they did well. At their Christmas program, Sally wouldn’t go up there without me and it was kinda embarrassing. She started going up this time but came back to me. She said she wanted me to go with her, but I said no, she almost lost it but Macy said she would go up. I was surprised when Sally said okay. Macy got her situated and she started playing and Macy came back to sit by me and Sally kept playing and finished her piece on her own. I was proud of her. She played the song How Far Ill Go, from the movie Moana. Macy did good too, she played You Belong With Me, by Taylor Swift. Their piano teacher is pregnant with twins and we are not sure how the next year will go. She had 5 other children, the oldest is Teddy’s age; its pretty crazy. Sometimes I get a little jealous of the people that have more kids than me. I always wanted a big family and I don’t. But I have a hard enough time with the three kids I do have and we cant afford any more kids, so that is my reality but sometimes I need to say hello to anger and then move on from it.

So anyway, after the piano recital we dropped Macy off with Sam at a baseball game and then Teddy, Sally and I drove down to Utah. We stopped at my Aunt Robyn’s house on the way down. She is hosting a wedding reception in her backyard and wanted to show me. It was very pretty, it started raining in the afternoon but it stopped for the evening. We got to visit with her for a little bit and then we kept going south. We were picking up dinner for my Aunt Julie and her husband but we had an hour before our pick up time, so we went to a park in Cedar Hills and while Sally played on the playground, Teddy and I plated pickleball. It was great. We then left and picked up dinner. I ordered it from a company called Crust Club. I have been following them on Instagram for years and wanted to try them out. It was delicious. We stated with Julie that night.

Sunday morning we went to church with my Aunt Wendy and her family. It was nice, because their ward didn’t meet until noon. So we got to sleep in a little and just chill. Both kids didn’t complain about wanting to go to church and we went to primary and class with my aunt and uncle. It was nice. After church we went back to their house and had a meal. It was a roast and it was so tender. I cannot get mine to turn out like theirs. So after that we headed down to my husbands brothers house. They were outside assembling a pool that they had got at Costco that afternoon. It was a fun process. We tried to put water in it from the hose, but it was taking such a long time. So Marshall went to the fire station and got a couple of hoses. He is a firefighter and they have a fire hydrant outside their house. So after it got dark he hooked it up and filled the pool in no time. Fun!!!

Monday morning, I took Teddy to his camp. We got him into a BYU Football camp and he was stoked. We checked in at 9:00, but the camp didn’t start until 10 and he didn’t have a friend to be by, so I waited with him. I wish he had had someone he went with, but he ended up making a few friends, so that was nice. The camp went until 4 on Monday and Tuesday and then until noon on Wednesday. He liked it and I am glad he was able to go. 

I had planned on doing a few things with Sally but we ended up just chilling with cousins. The water in the pool was super cold but she liked it. 

We stayed an extra day, because Teddy wanted to play with his cousins and it was nice. I am grateful for all of our family that we were able to see this weekend. We brought dinner to my grandpa on Monday and that was nice. We got home on Thursday evening and I was a little sad. I had to start meal planning and thinking about cleaning. I came home to dirty dishes in the sick and the house was just a mess; back to my reality.

Friday morning I was suppose to play pickleball but some people weren’t able to make it, so we had to cancel. I really need to play as much as I can, I am having a hard time having motivation to go to the gym, so pickleball is where I get my exercise. I really need to do more, I am just tired all the time. I could have literally stayed in bed all day if I wanted to. I feel so lazy and exhausted all the time. I know it is because of the extra weight that I am carrying but I have no idea what to do. Thursday while we were driving home, we stopped at a gas station and I got like 4 candy items. They tasted so good but made me feel so sick. Blahh…

When I was done in Utah, I passed Center for Change a few times, and it was super nostalgic. I actually had a ping of longing; there was a lot about the center that I didn’t like but there was some things that I did like. I liked the structure and the meals being handed to you. I liked taking a break from being a wife and mother; don’t get me wrong. I love my kids and husband but sometimes I just wish I had a break. I do everything for me family and I am at the point where I am sick of it. But we are in such a bad place in the sense that they don’t want to do anything to help me. I know somethings have to change, and I have to figure all of it out. So anyway, passing the center made me want to go back. I am not anorexic anymore, but I have eating disorder tendencies all the time. I am close to being binge eating disorder and I think that a month at the center would be beneficial. I miss that therapy and the dietitian. I wont be going back but sometimes I think about it. Anyway, that was a tangent and back to current me.

I laid in bed Friday evening and did not do much, I read some from my book but I really just vegged. By the time night came, I wasn’t tired, it was so annoying. I was exhausted all day and then when it was time to go to bed, I was awake. I ready some and was finally able to go to sleep. Saturday morning, I got the kids breakfast and then laid back down again. I finally got up and did the dishes and then just sat at the table contemplating all the other stuff that needed to get done. I need to go to the store, but I don’t want to. Food has become so expensive, and we are kinda in a deep hole with finances. We are going to make it, but it is tight. I think about all the people out there who have money and do not have to worry if they are going to have food on their table. It could get me into a dark place, so I welcome the feelings and then move on from them. I think about all the things that I do have and how often I have been blessed.

Teddy was able to play in two baseball games yesterday, there was a team from Utah that had a player have to go home early; so they asked our team and Teddy was the first to answer. Sam and I went to the games while the girls stayed back. He played catcher and first base and did pretty good. He missed a ball that was thrown to him in the dirt and it bounced up and hit him in the face. I felt bad, but he shook it off and kept playing. There were not substitutes so he really had to be okay. The second team that they played was so good. Their players were ginormous and the pitching was something he had never seen before. He hit the ball twice but didn’t make it on base except for a walk. I think he had a good time though. After the game, I went and did a Walmart pick up; and went to target to get some melatonin but they were out of the kind that the kids like. So was Walmart, so we shall see. My car was disgusting after out trip, so I got it washed and cleaned out and then came home. I was secretly hoping that my house would magically be clean, but of course it wasn’t. I laid in my bed for a little bit and read some. I know that I need to suck it up and get cleaning but its just so hard. We shall see.

I did not want to wake up on Sunday; I was so tired. We made it through church and then came home and I crashed. I literally slept for 5 hours. I do not know why I am so tired; I just am. We had dinner and I went out and laid in the hammock, I read some of my book and just chilled. I went to bed earlier than I did on Saturday night because I knew I had to get up early to take Teddy to a speed and agility class. He has a busy week with that and a basketball camp and some baseball games. Macy left early with Sam to head to the high school; I am not sure of what she is helping with but when we were gone last week she went. Sally slept until 8:30 and she and Teddy took a long bike ride after he got home. I lied down again but only for an hour. Now it is time for me to get cracking; I am going to take it a room at a time, or even a part of a room at a time and get the upstairs clean.

JUNE!!!

Its freakin JUNE…seriously people wow. I haven’t written on Sundays for a little while and it’s a Thursday today and I have a few minutes before I have to pick up Teddy from school and then the afternoon gets away from me. It always is super busy from the moment the kids get back to when we go to bed. We had the missionaries over for dinner on Tuesday and I tried to get my house cleaned for them but it was still not great. I just feel like I have no time; I work at the school and then work for my dad and then get the kids to their various activities; don’t get me wrong, I do like being busy, but my house just gets fell by the wayside. I hope that this summer I can go through things and keep up the cleaning and just do better.

We were suppose to be done with softball last week but one of Macy’s games got rained out, so her make up game is tonight, last one…well sorta, she is going to be on a summer team this year. A lot of the girls from her team have played together before and some are really good. Macy is getting better, she gets down on herself when we try and teach her. Her spring coach was just a volunteer father and his daughter who plays high school ball helped coach. This summer team, the coach is actually the high school coach. He and his wife really know what they are talking about and Macy had her first practice yesterday and was a little discouraged afterwards because they were teacher her a little bit different than her other coaches. I had to remind her that each coach will be a little different but this summer team is going to teach her the most. I have high hopes for her and I hope that she can pick it up.

May was full of ball games. Last year, Sam coached Teddy’s baseball team but this year he was not able to because he was the head varsity coach whereas last year he was assistant coach and did both. It took a good little while but we found a coach that took over Teddy’s team. Macy of the boys from last year quit playing baseball to play basketball, so this team looks quite a lot different but they are doing okay. We lost the first game really bad but came back and won the next 5. Last week we played the first team again and lost pretty bad. You win some you lose some. I think Teddy has been having a good time though.

I have to pipe in about Sally too; she did so much better this year than last year with tball. Last year she cried almost every game and just sat in the grass. This year she was in coach pitch and she did really well; she only cried the first practice but she found her courage and did well in her games. She hit the ball most of the time and participated in the game. I was very proud of her.

My parents were able to come to a game of Sally's and a little of Macy's. I am grateful that they make an effort to be a part of our lives. Its no secret that they love my little family and they are always helping us out; just like they do in the lives of all of my siblings and their kids. I have come a long way with relationships with my family members and I will keep trying. 

The kids had their field trips in May. I only have a picture of Sally’s because another mom sent me some. Sally got to go to Bear World and play at the park. Macy went to the Mountain Man Rendezvous and Teddy went to a movie. Its always a fun day.

Macy finished up her Idaho History Project and turned in in; we did a photo book from Shutterfly and then she had a posterboard of some pictures and a write up. Her teacher thought it was really cool that she did her project on family history and heritage. It was fun to be able to go see her at school and also see other peoples projects. There were 8 kids from her class that did the Gold Rush, popular topic. So I am glad we did something personal and different. 

So I guess that is it. Our last day of school is tomorrow; and I am so ready. Madison and Idaho Falls were done last Friday and Monday was Memorial Day, so there was no school. It was so hard to go back on Tuesday for four more days. 

Today, the 5th graders at South Fork had a barbeque. The kids had to earn points to be able to go and at one point Teddy didn't think he was going to be able to go but he did really well the last couple of months and earned his way. I am proud of him, tomorrow is his last day of elementary school. At the beginning of the year he kept saying how he wanted to be done with elementary school; it was in part because he was going to a school that he was having a hard time with, once I moved him, he seemed to do much better; and now he keeps saying how much he will miss fifth grade and he doesn't know if he is ready. Well ready or not, he is moving on and its just crazy. I missed his first day of Kindergarten but I will not miss his last day of 5th grade, nor I hope will I ever miss another first day. 

I may not like where my body is physically or like what I look at when I see myself in a mirror, but I am there for my kids, where I want before. I wake up, and somedays are uber hard, but I try my best and I make mistakes, but that is part of life. My kids know that I love them, I may loose my temper and yell and get upset but I am there for them and that is all that is asked of me. I will keep trying to better myself and just do it.