Wegovy

My brother reached out to me a few weeks ago about doing a medication called semaglutide; that helps curve hunger. He had been doing it for a little while and said it has helped him. His brother in law is able to get the medication for cheap and sends it over. This is the same brother in law who helped my a few years back when I went to Washington and did some ketamine treatments. My brother asked if it was something I wanted to do, and I of course said yes. I am just out of control right now. Last year at this time I was in such a good place, but I was also so strict and stringent. I was off sugar, dairy and gluten. I in essence just at protein, fruits, and vegetables. Once I started eating regular food again, I gained almost all the weight that I lost and I am just miserable. I had a friend reach out a couple of months ago and told me that her daughter was using a medication to help her. This is a similar medication that my brother is using and I think it is going to be helpful for me. The last few months, I have been good and then not seen the number on the scale go down, so then I just let myself go and then I get down and try over again, its this never ending cycle that I am so sick of. I need to get out of the cycle and change or else I am going to be unhappy forever and I do not want that. Someday I hope that I wont always talk about weight and things associated with it; but its just all consuming all that time; I wish I didn’t have to deal with it; but I do and I will keep trying. This blog is mostly for me, so I am going to post some before pictures, so that in 6 months to a year, I am going to get some progress photos. I am also going to add a sick picture of me too; I was talking to my sister in law today about how I actually really liked how I looked back 6 years ago when I was super uber sick and stuck in a different bad cycle of starvation; and how I was miserable then too. She made the comment that she would take the me today over the me back then any day. I would love to have that body back, but it really was sick and not great. So my goal is to find a happy medium. I have to do this for my health, I am not healthy and I hurt all the time. I need to eat better, watch what I eat and get some movement in. I know it is going to take all I have, but I really really want to do it.  

June 2017-I was sick with anorexia and weighed 100 pounds. I was not hungry at all and just didn't eat very much. Its crazy to look back and see me; I thought I looked so good. 

May 2023-I am kinda out of control the other way and weigh in at 255. I was 285 when I lost weight last year, so I am not where I had been but I am still just huge and its crazy looking at myself. Right now, I am semi binging and always seem to be starving and eating all the time. I hope this medication can help me. 

I am wanting to say goodbye to this forever.  I can do it!!!

I wish I had a picture like this, because I have been both. But both of these girls are worthy. I have always been worthy of so many things. 

I hope one day to say that I love being me. Right now, I dont...I hope one day that physical appearance doesn't ruin my life. I hope one day that I can just be okay being me. 

This Week 5/14/2023

This past week went pretty fast.

We had games and practices and other things each day of the week.

Monday the girls had their singing and dance performance for friends and family. It was held at an elementary school and it was interesting. They were suppose to sing up on the stage but they ended up being held on the floor. It was hard to see the girls but they did a good job. I wish my girls sang a little better then they do, but they are learning. Sally’s voice is so so low but she tries. We are done with singing for now; last year we went into June but I am glad we were able to be done in May this year, because we have a busy May and we will be gone the first week in June, so it worked out.

This year Teddy got to participate in a performance called America’s Hope. In fifth grade the students at the elementary schools in our town are learning about US History. There is a lady in our town that helps the fifth grade classes at our 6 schools learn an hour long performance where they sing songs about America. I have gotten to watch the South Fork performance for the last three years and finally it was my kids turn. It was really cool. Tuesday they had a performance of just our school and then Wednesday all 6 schools came together at the middle school and did a combined performance. Teddy had a dance part with other classmates, and he got to perform at both events. 

I am proud of him for singing and doing something out of his comfort zone. He has never loved singing; at church and at school. Last year, I got a call from his school every Monday morning around 9:45 for like a month, saying that Teddy was not feeling well and I needed to come grab him. I would get him home and then go back to work. He would message me a little while later that he was okay. After a month, I caught on that it was the same day and same time and it was right after his 30 minute singing class at school. The school was really nice and worked with us. They allowed him to come to the office for the class. I was grateful for their help. So when he told me that he liked learning the songs for Hope of America, I was really happy. He practiced a lot at home and it was cool.

Teddy had games on Tuesday and Thursday this week. I was able to go to most of his game on Tuesday before I had to take Macy to gymnastics. When I left, I watched the game on an app and he ended up hitting a monster homerun. I was sad to miss it. He had been waiting for a good hit and he was able to get it. Thursday the girls also had games, so I had to miss his game but I watched most of what was going on on my phone. They ended up winning in the last inning. I wished I could have seen them rally back from a 7 run deficit; they did so good.

Thursday and Friday the girls had games that overlapped. Thursday Macy’s game was first; her coach has a daughter that plays for the varsity high school team, and they were playing in the district championship game, so he was gone. He asked if some parents could help out and no one said anything. I said I could help and another dad said too, so I was at first base. Sally came out with me because she is just clingy; sometimes it gets to be a lot, but I try and not let it bother me. Sally’s team had pictures close to the end of Macy’s game, so I left and brought her, they were in the same location but just a little ways away. I then came back and finished up the game. Her coach showed up for the last inning and so I just kinda stood there and then went and sat in my seat. Both girls played good, there are things they we need to work on and I need to just help them.

Saturday the girls and I went to the funeral of a lady in our ward; Macy really loved this sweet sister. She was my ministering sister. She celebrated her 90^th birthday in January and found out in the end of April that she had cancer. They told her she had about two months left; and she passed away a little over two weeks after the diagnosis. I didn’t want to bring Sally to the church but Sam and Teddy left early for some football games and so it was either stay home alone for an hour or come. She didn’t want to stay home but she also didn’t want to come either; so it was hard. She came reluctantly and didn’t do the best, but we made it. The daughter of the lady the passed away is actually a friend of ours that we met in Florida. I was a teenager when we first met and a couple of months ago, she came to our ward and we made the connection. Its always hard to lose a loved one, but this lady had lived a good life and was just the sweetest. Its interesting, in December one of my other ministering sisters passed away too; she was over 95 I think; she lived a good life too. My companion and I only have one sister left, so I see our routes getting changed soon. I don’t like change and I have been with the same people since we moved here 4 and a half years ago; so, I think it’s probably time for a change; so we shall see. Saturday we also had a baby shower that we went to; it’s for the girls piano teacher. They have 5 kids and she is pregnant with twins. They did a diaper shower, because heaven knows she is going to be needing a lot of those. I wanted to get her something else, but they are not finding out what they are having, so I didn’t want to grab any clothes because I really don’t think things are gender neutral, so diapers it was. Now I look back, I could have gotten some baby wash and lotion, but I was already buying two things of diapers and some wipes, so that was good, I guess.

Today, Sunday is Mother’s Day. I haven’t actually loved mother’s day in years passed and this one is no different. I really just want my kids to get along and want help but its hard for me to express what I need. Its interesting because my kids did not want to go today; well sorta. Macy slept with me most of the night, she said her tummy hurt and this morning said her throat was starting to hurt, its like a weekly thing for her. I need to take her in soon and get some things checked out, so anyway, I told her she could stay home and then Sally said if Macy was not going, then she wasn’t going either; but Macy did want to go, so I gave her some medication and they got dressed. Teddy didn’t want to go because his best friend was sick. My husband came out of the shower and got mad at him and told him that he can’t pick and choose when to go to church. I gave him a look, because just last week, he decided he was too tired to go and choose to sleep. He admitted to the kids that he hasn’t done a good job and needs to do better. I am glad he did because Teddy and Sally most of the time wont go if he doesn’t go. So well see.

Macy and I went to choir and then came home and I laid down for a nap. I am so tired as of late and I can sleep for hours. I feel like I am in a high function rut again. I do what is absolutely necessary and then I veg the rest of the time. My house is suffering from it and I need to do better; I will write a different post about something I am going to try with my brother, it should help me. So anyway, I woke up from my nap, just thinking how nice it would be if the kitchen and living room were clean and came out and its still a disaster. Yesterday, while we were trying to figure out meals for this upcoming week, I had something on the menu for today and my husband asked if I really wanted that for Mother’s Day and I said not really, but I do not have something that I do want. So I picked a salad. He will grill the chicken but ill still get everything ready. Really, its just a normal day for me, nothing special happened except words said, and sometime words are hollow.

Its May

Well, its May and we only have 19 days of school left. I am so so ready to be done with work. I think the kids are ready to be done with school too. I cant believe that my oldest is almost done with elementary school. I was actually gone at the treatment center in Utah when Teddy started kindergarten, so I wasn’t there to see him off for his first day of school; but that’s okay. I will be there for all of his and the other kids stuff.

This week went pretty fast. Teddy had his first baseball game on Monday night and since Macy is done with dance, I was able to go to the game. They played a really hard team and lost; but they had a good practice on Tuesday and won their game on Wednesday. Teddy pitched the whole second game and did a good job, I was actually not able to make it to that game because the girls had their final singing rehearsal, but I was able to watch the game, or not really watch, just see some stats about the game on an app. Teddy still hasn’t had a hit, he struck out twice, got hit by a pitch and walked once. He really wants to get a hit and I told him he just needs to be patience and do what he knows how to do. I think he will get one soon.

Macy had her first softball game on Thursday and her team did a great job. She is in kid pitch, but if there are too many balls, the coach will come out and pitch. Most of the girls couldn’t get the ball over the plate, so the coaches were pitching a lot. Macy got up to bat three times and got a hit all three times. She did well. Macy usually can connect with the ball, but it doesn’t go very far. We need to work on that; same with Sally. She had her first game on Friday and I am happy to say that there were no tears. She did a good job and I am proud of her, she got up three times and connected all three times. They both have things they can work on but overall, it was a good few days.

Saturday the girls had their first singing and dance performance. It was at an assisted living center and they did good. The theme of this year is summer. Most of the songs focused on summer things. They have their family and friends’ performance tomorrow and then we will be done until September. With softball starting and Teddy in baseball, I am happy that they will be done. Last year, their singing class went into June and it was hectic; so it will be nice to just focus on a couple of things.

Anyway, that’s it.

Tomorrow: Its Gonna Be Me (May)

Well, its May tomorrow; which is super crazy. The last half of the month went pretty fast, some days seemed to drag on but then I look back and they seemed to fly by. We only have 4 Mondays left in the school year, because the last Monday before school gets out is Memorial Day and there is no school. I wish we were done that Friday before, but no, we have to go 4 more days after the day off. One of those days will be our field day; so really only 3 days, but who’s counting…

Two weeks ago, on a Friday night, we had a sleepover at my brothers’ house in Rexburg. My sister is visiting, so we got invited. I think this is the first time we got to go overnight there and my girls were in heaven. My brother just bought a cold plunge and my girls and I did it. We sat in ice cold water for three minutes; my brother has done some research and it helps with your circulatory system and there are loads of other benefits. He hurt his back playing basketball and has been doing this everyday and said it has helped him. It was cold but I was able to do it and I wish I had one at my house to keep doing.

 

So Saturday morning, we stayed for a little bit and then came home. Macy and I then headed over to Rupert. Macy is doing her Idaho History Project on the homestead act and farming in Idaho. We decided to go over to where it all began. We rode the 4 wheeler and took pictures and my uncle told us some stories. We are creating a list of things to call and ask my grandpa. It was a quick trip but we had a nice time. We hope to put some questions together and call my grandpa and ask him some questions too. 

This past week was a busy one for Macy; she had dance rehearsal every day with her recital on Friday and Saturday. She decided to miss the rehearsal on Wednesday so she and Sally could go to their singing and dance rehearsal; I was in the car a lot but they are almost done, so that is good. At her dress rehearsal on Thursday night, I tried to get her hair up and in a bun but I failed miserably. One of my neighbors was there and her daughters hair was perfect; so I half jokingly asked her if I could bring Macy over and if she could do her hair. She said yes, and I was so grateful. Her hair turned out great. Her performances on Friday and Saturday went well; we had some friends come on Friday and then my sister and nieces came and some other friends on Saturday; she did a good job.

I played pickleball for 3 hours on Wednesday and it was great; I love it. I played with some ladies after work for an hour and then I played with some other church members after I picked up the girls from 7:45-9:45; I was tired but I burned a heck a lot of calories and it just felt good to move.

Teddy had his first 7on7 games on Saturday; this team is not as good as his grid kid team but they pulled off two wins. Teddy has been playing quarterback for the last two years but it hasn’t been his favorite. Last year at the team championship; he was the back up quarterback but the weather was not great for the throwing game, so Sam put Teddy in and had him just run the ball. He did a great job and so he has been practicing as a tight end and a running back. For 7on7, it’s a passing game, you cant run the ball; so Teddy has been playing tight end and they did good. The throwing quarterback has been practicing and going to camps and is getting to be really good. Teddy is happy.

Saturday Macy and I went to help some people from our ward move. It was interesting because my timehop app on my phone reminded me that it was 9 years ago that we were loading up our truck in Florida and moving to Utah; pretty crazy. We have almost lived in Rigby, the same amount of time we lived in Florida. One more year and we will surpass it.

Sunday was our stake conference and guess what, we slept in. I woke up around 11 and it felt good.  I then spent the rest of the day cleaning; I haven’t done a good job at keeping my house in order. My room especially was just a place to throw things. So I started and got the kitchen, living room and both bedrooms upstairs clean. I really hope that this week I can keep it that way. I wish I could get more help, but I am so soft. I really need to get my kids to pull their own weight. I will try harder.